(book) On Love by Alain de Botton

Synopsis:

"The longing for a destiny is nowhere stronger than in our romantic life" we are told at the outset of Alain de Botton's On Love, a hip, charming, and devastatingly witty rumination on the thrills and pitfalls of romantic love. 

The narrator is smitten by Chloe on a Paris-London flight, and by the time they've reached the luggage carousel, he knows he is in love. He loves her chestnut hair and pale nape and watery green eyes, the way she drives a car and eats Chinese food, the gap that makes her teeth Kantian and not Platonic, her views on Heidegger's Being and Time - although he hates her taste in shoes. 

On Love plots the course of their affair from the initial delirium of infatuation to the depths of suicidal despair, through the (Groucho) "Marxist" stage of coming to terms with being loved by the unattainable beloved, through a fit of anhedonia, defined in medical texts as a disease resulting from the terror brought on by the threat of utter happiness, and finally through the nausea induced and terrorist tactics employed when the beloved begins, inexplicably, to drift away. 

Alain de Botton is simultaneously hilarious and intellectually astute, shifting with ease among such seminal romantic texts as The Divine Comedy, Madame Bovary, and The Bleeding Heart, a self-help book for those who love too much. He is schematically flawless, funny, funky, and totally engaging. 

Filled with profound observations and useful diagrams, On Love displays and examines for all of us the pain and exhilaration of love, asking, "Can we not be forgiven if we believe ourselves fated to stumble one day upon the man or woman of our dreams? Can we not be excused a certain superstitious faith in a creature who will prove the solution to our relentless yearnings?"

Review:

I read this during my flight from Jakarta to Surabaya and back again. It was poignant, sometimes funny, and often insightful. The book (therefore the writer) is intelligent, showing us philosophies on love that we could relate to, some we've passed in stages of our lives so that we can nod and say ah i've been there.. or ponder these thoughts for a while.

While the characters are sometimes annoying (I've never liked Chloe), I find them refreshingly real, and quirky. Each of them has flaws that make them seem like the people we might pass on the street, or someone we used to know, or even the person in each of us. It's amazing how one can make a character just pop to life like that, and I am in awe for that one trait.

However, I do find the pace to be a little slow. I would love to read more about the relationship instead of reading the author's insights about love and the analysis of every single thing. And just a little bit, I feel almost preached on instead of being engaged in a series of smart conversations.

Overall, a unique book with a refreshing concept.

(film) From Up on Poppy Hill and Whisper of the Heart by Studio Ghibli

 

I'm a fan of young adult films done right, and these two are the perfect examples of why I love both YA movies and animation. I've been a huge fan of anime for years, but have just recently discovered the magic that is Studio Ghibli.

Their first film that I watched was Ponyo, and loved it despite the fantastical bits. When I felt a bit mellow and would like something heartwarming, simple without the supernatural elements, I went for either these two gems or Makoto Shinkai's 5 CM per second. I wouldn't compare Hayao Miyazaki with Makoto Shinkai, because they are as different as night and day, but that does not mean I don't enjoy their films equally.

The plot (From Up on Poppy Hill): Umi is the caretaker of a boarding house overlooking the port, and she raises flags as messages to seamen to stay safe, as once taught by her sailor father who died at the sea. One day she meets Shun, a member of the school newspaper club, and together with their friends, they try to save their old clubhouse from being demolished by the school chairman.

The plot (Whisper of the Heart): Shizuku is a bookworm, and she's surprised to find that most of the books she checks out has already been read by another student named Seiji. Both of them meet and grow close, and she's left wondering about her dream when he has already gone to pursue his as a violin maker. She decides to test her talent in writing a story based on the Baron, a cat figurine she finds in Seiji's grandfather's antique shop.

From Up on Poppy Hill and Whisper of the Heart are so heartbreakingly honest and real they just tug at your heartstrings. Both have unusually unique family background and a little side story about family life, also a simple teen romance with signs of a budding first love. There are bits of Japanese traditions and lives everywhere, it's so wonderful to watch. The colors are bright and vivid, the artwork clean and lovely, the voices done right, with suitable accompanying music. Both are rather slow paced, but anime about everyday life usually does that - take things slowly, and you don't realize you've fallen in love with it until the credits roll.

Both also have strong, mature teen characters. Both Umi and Shizuku are your average teenager, but as Umi is reliable, sensible and responsible, and Shizuku are often sullen, sometimes lazy about homework and chores, they are at core the teenagers we all once were, or are. They have strong minds and express their opinions well, the communications with their peers, family members and loved ones are not one-sided that might express misunderstanding, but very much real and interactive. They say what they feel, and they fight for what they believe is important. I admire the relationships in both films, and am very pleasantly surprised when Shizuku's parents allow her to do what she thinks is right, even if that means temporarily abandoning her studies and possibly not continuing school.

I might have slightly a bit more fondness for From Up on Poppy Hill because of the school spirit and the strong characters I find in both Umi and Shun. Everything's just done in the right proportions, and I can't help but wish there are more films such as this one. The stories are meaningful, even though they were made decades earlier, they still carry relevance in today's era.

I'm currently marathoning my way through the rest of Studio Ghibli films, but these two are definitely top of my list.

Life is fleeting

Life is fleeting,
but love is everlasting.

Love transcends through generations,
lifetimes, built in the past, planted for the future.

Through one connection,
we collect moments.

Within those moments,
we create memories.

Memories shatter, memories break us, memories sustain us,
makes us who we are.

Therefore life is indeed short and fleeting,
but love is a different thing altogether.

*it's the first time in so many years that I've written a poem. It feels strangely good :)

Our latest coffee house project: The U Coffee

You might be wondering what I'm up to these days..

Here's our latest coffee shop project. Tempatnya asyik banget untuk hangout, nongkrong dan ngopi.. ada private library-nya juga dengan koleksi buku yang oke. Makanan dan minumannya enak dengan harga affordable :) cocok buat yang cari tempat untuk dinner date, semi fine dining, sampai business meetings dan gathering atau book signing.


There’s a new fun place in town!



THE U COFFEE

What is the U?

We are a coffee bar
We are a café
We are a library
We are altogether fun in one place

‘The U’ is a one stop entertainment place to relax, refresh and gather, exactly your kind of place for those who enjoy a good ambiance for gathering with friends, work colleagues, clients, loved ones, or simply to have a relaxing me time.

Where is the U?

You can find us at:
Jl. Tanjung Duren Barat 1 no. 12
Jakarta Barat
Phone, fax, delivery: 021-5664031

Follow us for latest updates and special promo:
Twitter: twitter.com/theucoffee
Facebook: The U Coffee
Email: service@the-u-coffee.com

Why the U?


#1: Are you a coffee addict or tea lover? Don’t dismay – we have both! Perk up your mornings with our white chocolate latte or caramel latte for those who love a bit of extra sweetness, or The U macchiato and americano if you'd like something a bit stronger. If coffee is not your cup of tea, do try our ice blends (we love Black Forrest Ice Blend!) or our selection of tea.


#2: Our food is to-die-for. If you're up for brunch, try The U Special Breakfast or The U Caesar Salad. We recommend Bolognaise pasta and Lasagna for Italian food lovers, or steaks and The U Ribs with caramel sauce for those who prefer a hearty meal. Don't forget to try our famous French Toast for dessert and you're in for a very tasty treat.



#3: Our library has vast collections, from rare vintage literature to bestseller books in both English and Indonesian. We also provide a wide range of games, from classic Monopoly to challenging Sudoku, and much more!

#4: Just want to sit back and browse? We also offer free Wi-Fi for your laptops. Just inquire our receptionist for password and details.

#5: Our service and ambiance. Feel like a fresh change after a tiring day, just to sip a cup of hot coffee and read? Our ambiance is cozy and homey. Make yourselves at home, ‘disappear’ temporarily in the pages of a good book and lounge music, and let our staffs spoil you with our best service.

#6: We love communities! We love to hold book signings, launchings, community gatherings, bazaars and book swaps. Need a venue for your campus activities and club gathering? Feel free to contact us and we will try our best to help.

Are you looking for a cozy spot for brunch with friends?
Are you looking for a place for your birthday or anniversary party?
Perhaps you are planning a romantic candlelight dinner date for your loved one and want us to help in making the moment more memorable?

Drop by The U for a visit and we’ll make sure you love the experience.

Sweet November promo: only this month! Enjoy 20% off on weekdays and 10% off on weekends - all food and beverages. Get our special French Toast for a minimum purchase of Rp. 250 000,-

:)

:night and day:

Just like night and day
They exist on the same sky
and complement each other

:us:

I am the whimsical dreamer
You are the logical realist

Kissing You (Miranda Cosgrove)

One of my favorite songs at the moment
somehow it always reminds me of you :)

Sparks fly it's like electricity
I might die, when I forget how to breath
You get closer and there's no where in this world I'd rather be
Time stops like everything around me is frozen
And all that matters are theese
Few moments when you open my mind to things I've never seen

Cuz when I'm kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you
When I'm kissing you it all starts making sense
And all the questions I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
How clear it becomes when I'm kissing you

Past loves they never got really far
Walls of pictures I've got in my heart
And I promise I wouldn't do this
Till I knew it was right for me
But no one, no guy that I met before
Could make me feel so right and secure
And have you noticed I loose my focus
And the world around me disapears

Cuz when I'm kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you
When I'm kissing you it all starts making sense
And all the questions I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
How clear it becomes when I'm kissing you

I've never felt nothing like this
You're making me open up
No point in even trying to fight this
It kinda feels like it's love

Cuz when I'm kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzel piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you
When I'm kissing you it all starts making sense
And all the questions I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
How clear it becomes when I'm kissing you

-muse-

I think of you..
and I write

:)

Without you things go hazy

what if I fall and hurt myself,
would you know how to fix me
what if I went and lost myself,
would you know where to find me
if I forgot who I am
would you please remind me
oh cause without you things go hazy

:happy couple secrets:

Happy Couples: What It Takes to Be One
Love alone won’t see you through, say the experts
By Elizabeth Heubeck
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Cynthia Dennison Haines, MD

The sight of a couple sharing a joke and walking hand in hand, their faces lined with wrinkles, and their hair gray, begs the question: How did they remain a happy couple for so many years? Given that about half of all first marriages for men and women under 45 end in divorce, it's a legitimate question. So at WebMD, we asked the experts to reveal the secrets of happy couples. Their revelations may surprise you.

"It's not about how much you love each other, or how much money you have, or even if your personalities mesh," says Howard Markman, PhD, leading marriage researcher, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, and author of Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love.

Far more significant than these factors -- yes, even more important than heart-pounding lust, which, let's face it, often fades over time -- is communication, says Markman. How well you and your spouse communicate with another? The second most significant factor that happy couples share, he says, is a strong friendship.

While you can't necessarily teach a couple how to be friends, you can teach good friends how to communicate better. Markman regularly tackles this task, using a research-based method derived from data that he and his colleagues at the University of Denver have collected over decades of systematically observing unhappy and happy couples.
Happy Couples: Developing Healthy Habits

Markman offers three important ingredients of happy couples:

* Avoid blowouts.

"The first is to learn to talk without fighting about inevitable conflicts," Markman says. Making a concerted effort to see the other person's perspective, and avoiding the blame game of "she said" or "he did," goes a long way.

When things appear to be hedging toward a blowout, Markman urges couples to do what parents often tell young children: Take a "time out." It's a tactic he calls "exiting out of destructive fighting."

* Recall the positive.

As parents often ask a child stewing in the time-out corner what she could have done differently, Markman suggests that couples in conflict take time to consider what brought them together in the first place. Then, he says, make room for those factors in your life again. "You've got to protect and preserve those positive connections -- the friendship, the fun," Markman tells WebMD. These are aspects of marriage that happy couples keep intact.

* Look to the future.

While turning the clock back can help couples rekindle lost connections, Markman urges couples to simultaneously look forward. "You've got to have a long-term vision of the future, shared dreams, and plans that represent a commitment to one another and your family," he says.


just wants to share this article.

Kisah Putri Duyung dan Happily Ever After

Dalam kisah putri duyung karya Andersen, pada akhirnya sang putri yang telah berubah menjadi manusia terpaksa menjadi buih demi kebahagiaan pangerannya. Ending yang tidak bahagia, walau dia diubah menjadi salah satu dari jiwa-jiwa yang mengambang di udara, sebagai karma atas kebaikan hatinya.

Pagi tadi, tiba-tiba saya ingin tahu... itu kan cuma ending sementara saja, ending dari sepotong kisah hidup. Bagaimana kalau suatu hari nanti sang pangeran tahu bahwa putri yang dinikahinya bukanlah penyelamat hidupnya, tapi hanya seorang gadis yang kebetulan lewat di pantai tempatnya terdampar? Apakah sang putri akan bungkam seumur hidup bahwa dia bukanlah putri duyung yang berenang untuk menyelamatkan pangeran dari maut di laut sana? Apakah pernikahan mereka bahagia? Apakah sang putri duyung masih memikirkan pangerannya, nun jauh di sana?

Setiap cerita - baik cerita pendek maupun novella, hanya memaparkan ending dari sebuah potongan kisah. Bukan ending yang sebenarnya, karena kisah hidup seseorang terlalu panjang, dan cerita hanya memetik yang penting dan menarik saja. Tapi bukankah naif untuk menulis and they live happily ever after setelah sebuah adegan berakhir baik?

Sang putri yang menikah dengan pangeran idamannya setelah ciuman yang membangunkan dari tidur seratus tahun.

Putri dan raksasa berwajah seram yang melepaskan kutukan nenek sihir dan berubah menjadi pangeran.

Si tudung merah yang berkumpul kembali dengan neneknya, setelah melepaskan diri dari cengkeraman serigala berbulu domba.

Happily ever after sedikit naif, bukan? Hidup seseorang tidak bisa selamanya berujung di sana. Tapi tentunya kita semua mempercayai konsep itu - bahwa jauh di sana, hal semacam itu eksis. Memupuk harapan. Kadang salah berasumsi kalau menemukan pasangan hidup, dan berkeluarga adalah definisi paling tepat dari happily ever after.

And it sometimes is, really. Sometimes, you need to believe in something in order to feel it.

Sleepless in Seattle and Lovely Duets

Ngobrak-abrik koleksi lama dan habis membeli DVD Sleepless in Seattle juga. Waktu yang harusnya dibuat untuk riset, menulis dan mengembangkan karakter dikorbankan demi 2 jam nonton film jadul ini, melihat Tom Hanks dan Meg Ryan, dua aktor favorit saya, yang chemistry-nya undeniable walau dalam screen mereka nggak banyak ketemu.

I can't tell you how much I heart this movie.

Lalu setelahnya, jadi kepingin dengerin lagu When I Fall in Love. Jadi, saya memutar CD lama Lovely Duets. It feels wonderful :) I'm feeling the romance.

Melankolia

A blog post from February 22, 2009

Tiba-tiba jadi ingin menulis
tapi entah apa
tiba-tiba ingin tertidur dalam dekapan selimut hangat
sedangkan langit riuh-rendah, hujan tumpah ruah
tiba-tiba ingin menghidu aroma dia
menyimpannya mungkin selamanya
tiba-tiba ingin
hanya ingin

*apa karena habis ikutan membahas buku puisi dua penyair hebat ya, jadi begini? hmmmm*

Love and Obsession

What is the difference between love and obsession? Didn't both make you stay up all night, wandering the streets, a victim of your own imagination, your own heartbeat? Didn't you fall into both, headfirst into quicksand? Wasn't every man in love a fool and every woman a slave?

Love was like rain: it turned to ice, or it disappeared. Now you saw it, now you couldn't find it no matter how hard you might search. Love evaporated; obsession was realer; it hurt, like a pin in your bottom, a stone in your shoe. It didn't go away in the blink of an eye. A morning phone call filled with regret. A letter that said, Dear you, goodbye from me. Obsession tasted like something familiar. Something you'd known your whole life. It settled and lurked; it stayed with you.

-taken from Alice Hoffman's the Ice Queen, my latest possession-

Reading Alice Hoffman's prose always makes me feel sentimental, and wants desperately to write. Yet my fingers are numb with invisible pain, each stroke tired and lifeless. Each word means nothing, like evaporating air. A shadow that is not visible, the scent and sound of rain pelting in the background.

Isn't love correlated to obsession? Either you fall into obsession first, and then it grows to something more like love. Or you fall in love first, and then you become obsessed with the individual, or the charm of love itself. Hoffman is right, you fall right into both, at different times, perhaps, but both. It is inevitable, that streak of possessiveness, that pain of love, that need to own, the urge to have.

But isn't it okay, though? Because with a little of both, love should be balanced. Isn't it boring to have love be so selfless all the time?

picture taken from here

Satu Menit

Dalam semenit

.. ada berapa kenangan yang muncul

menyeruak dalam benak

lalu meleleh.. dalam senyum dan air mata

Kadaluwarsa

Expiry Dates. Tanggal kadaluwarsa. Aku memandang tanggal yang tertera di karton susu dengan muak, lalu membuangnya ke dalam tong sampah di sebelah kakiku. Barang ini sudah tidak ada gunanya, bukan? Jika dipaksa diminum, bikin diare. Jika tidak dibuang, akan meracuni seluruh kulkas dengan bau dan kuman.

Kenapa sih segala sesuatu di dunia ini harus ada tanggal kadaluwarsa? Tanggal pembuatan, lalu kehidupan, lalu dengan cepat, tanggal berakhir. Manusia lahir, hidup sebentar lalu mati. Tanggalnya sudah ditentukan dari sananya, tidak bisa ditawar lagi. Begitu pula dengan makanan, minuman, kosmetik, benda mati, baju-baju, cinta sekali pun.

Ya, cinta. Suatu hari bisa tumbuh, lalu berkembang, lalu seperti bunga yang layu, habis kadaluwarsa. Segala sesuatu yang sudah habis masa pakai, harus mengucapkan selamat tinggal, tidak bisa tidak. Kasihan sekali hidup ini bukan, jika kita cuma bisa hidup dalam jangka waktu yang ditentukan?

“Kamu kenapa, kok memaki-maki sendiri?” Suara Ibu mengejutkanku, dan aku baru sadar dari tadi aku berkomat-kamit dengan sumpah serapah itu.

“Ah, tidak, Bu. Susu ini sudah.. kadaluwarsa.” Aku beringsut naik, menutupi air mata dengan sebelah tangan.

Ibu mendesah. “Ya sudah, nanti kita beli yang baru. Jangan menangis.” Heh, ternyata mata Ibu masih tajam juga – atau mungkin pendengarannya, yang menangkap nada bindeng itu walau sedikit. “Sudah lewat lima bulan, nak. Masih mengingatnya lagi?”

Masih. Mengingat dia yang sudah kadaluwarsa. Di hatiku mungkin masa pakainya tidak lekang oleh waktu. Tapi ternyata, akhirnya aku juga yang sudah mati di hatinya.

“Adakah sesuatu yang tidak bisa kadaluwarsa, Bu?” aku balik bertanya dengan suara kecil, lalu menyesal telah mengatakannya. Terlanjur, Ibu sudah duduk di atas kursi sambil tersenyum. Pertanyaan kanak-kanak yang bodoh. Ibu bukannya akan menjelaskan proses kimia dan metafisika, kan?

“Barang bisa rusak. Udara bisa kadaluwarsa – dengan polusi. Rambut bisa rontok. Air bisa tercemar. Cinta.. sayangnya ada beberapa jenis cinta yang juga begitu.”

Aku tidak mau menjawab apa-apa, reaksiku bisa sangat berlebihan.

“Yah.. bukankah baik juga mereka bisa habis masa? Karena itu kita bisa menyingkirkannya, dan memulai baru.”
Aku tidak ingin menyingkirkan kamu. Kamu yang ingin memulai baru – lalu menyingkirkanku.

“Lalu bagaimana dengan cinta yang tidak bisa kadaluwarsa, Bu?”

Ibu tersenyum lagi. “Apakah cintamu sudah kadaluwarsa?” beliau bertanya kembali, lalu menutup mata. Keriput di ujung matanya bergerak oleh tarikan bibirnya.

Aku diam. Tidak, sampai sekarang cintaku padamu belum kadaluwarsa. Dan seberapa pun aku mencoba, kamu… tidak pernah habis di hatiku. Aku ikut memejamkan mata, dan aku tahu Ibu sedang membayangkan Ayah, yang lima tahun lalu meninggal karena stroke.

**

While I was thinking
Why does one’s life has to be branded with a certain expiry date?And worse, why does love have to bear an expiry date..?