This is the official blog of Winna Efendi, author of several bestselling Indonesian novels.

Senin, 25 Januari 2010

:at the crossroads:

My life has always been at crossroads. It is extremely rare that I know exactly what I want in life. I'm almost always consumed by emotions such as anger, curiosity, confusion - all of which contribute nothing and are powered by my insecurity and uncertainty about my choices.

I've had chances and choices, most of which I neglect because of my risk aversion tendencies. I always fear getting hurt, getting blistered, losing (trust, love, people, things, money, freedom) that I position myself as having no choice. Perhaps that is why I never learn. People who learn are those who have been through difficult things, not those who thwart problems in the other direction or ducking, evading, barely making it possible for them to learn something from their problems.

I'm that person that ducks. I'm too busy ducking to realize why.

He just makes me realize that.

I'm now at another crossroad - I'm not sure what I am doing. And instead of running away, I think I'm going to stick around now. Just in case.

I should be the one who's in control of my own life, and every condition involved in it.
Another mission - if I don't know what I want, I should be on a journey to find it.

It's going to be a long and tough journey, but it should be worth it.
I have someone by my side, anyways :)

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