This is the official blog of Winna Efendi, author of several bestselling Indonesian novels.

Rabu, 02 April 2014

Amidst white lilies and roses

There were white roses everywhere. There were lilies too, exactly the kind I liked.

My aunt passed away last night, and I went to pay my respects for the last time this afternoon. She was the one who took care of me as a child, and as far as I remembered, the closest of all the aunts I had. She was bubbly and smiley, and the room was always full of jokes and laughter whenever she was around.

At first I thought it'd be okay. It's been so long since I last saw her, and felt guilty because I did not pay her a visit in years, even though I knew she was battling her disease. I thought I'd always have the time. But when I saw her photograph in the morgue today, and said my prayers and went to see her one final time, it surprised me that I felt choked up. It was a quiet grief, not the gut-wrenching, loud-sobs kind of grief, because it was reserved for closer family members. But just as I felt it I knew that pang, the emotion I felt when my aunt's mother - my grand aunt, passed away from the same disease a few years back. I remembered her kindness, her smile, the red envelopes she saved for me each Chinese New Year's day, and how I wrote a tribute for her in my blog too. It was more like regret, and sadness that I could not see her again, that I was not a better niece, and that I'd miss her from time to time, and remember this feeling when I think of her in the future.

I have no other words to express my feelings, other than my aunt was, and is a great person. She'd been there as I grew up, and I was sad not to see her at my own wedding, and that I would never get to be in hers. I would like to watch her grow old, see her during every Chinese New Year celebration, and be with her for a long time.

Farewell, and may you sit beside our Father, and be safe, and happy, watching all of us from above. Amen.

Image taken from bnbwebsites.com

Tidak ada komentar: