:happy couple secrets:

Happy Couples: What It Takes to Be One
Love alone won’t see you through, say the experts
By Elizabeth Heubeck
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Cynthia Dennison Haines, MD

The sight of a couple sharing a joke and walking hand in hand, their faces lined with wrinkles, and their hair gray, begs the question: How did they remain a happy couple for so many years? Given that about half of all first marriages for men and women under 45 end in divorce, it's a legitimate question. So at WebMD, we asked the experts to reveal the secrets of happy couples. Their revelations may surprise you.

"It's not about how much you love each other, or how much money you have, or even if your personalities mesh," says Howard Markman, PhD, leading marriage researcher, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, and author of Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love.

Far more significant than these factors -- yes, even more important than heart-pounding lust, which, let's face it, often fades over time -- is communication, says Markman. How well you and your spouse communicate with another? The second most significant factor that happy couples share, he says, is a strong friendship.

While you can't necessarily teach a couple how to be friends, you can teach good friends how to communicate better. Markman regularly tackles this task, using a research-based method derived from data that he and his colleagues at the University of Denver have collected over decades of systematically observing unhappy and happy couples.
Happy Couples: Developing Healthy Habits

Markman offers three important ingredients of happy couples:

* Avoid blowouts.

"The first is to learn to talk without fighting about inevitable conflicts," Markman says. Making a concerted effort to see the other person's perspective, and avoiding the blame game of "she said" or "he did," goes a long way.

When things appear to be hedging toward a blowout, Markman urges couples to do what parents often tell young children: Take a "time out." It's a tactic he calls "exiting out of destructive fighting."

* Recall the positive.

As parents often ask a child stewing in the time-out corner what she could have done differently, Markman suggests that couples in conflict take time to consider what brought them together in the first place. Then, he says, make room for those factors in your life again. "You've got to protect and preserve those positive connections -- the friendship, the fun," Markman tells WebMD. These are aspects of marriage that happy couples keep intact.

* Look to the future.

While turning the clock back can help couples rekindle lost connections, Markman urges couples to simultaneously look forward. "You've got to have a long-term vision of the future, shared dreams, and plans that represent a commitment to one another and your family," he says.


just wants to share this article.

:scents:

I have developed a new obsession.

Scents.

I've always been curious about scents - the smell of newly published books and glossy magazine covers, the scent of clothes, food, nature in general.
But my curiosity with fragrances is rather new. And late, I should say.

I'm always on the lookout for a fragrance that could describe me perfectly. Roughly, the perfect scent would be one in which there is no headache when I (or other people) sniff it, sheer, slightly floral, the slightest bit powdery, and not overwhelming. Something simple, perhaps. Not one that exuberates power, or feistiness, or masculine, woody or overly musky scents, because I'm not either of those adjectives. Not too fruity or too sweet either.

The thing is, I'm easily bored. I used to have a bottle of DKNY Apple that my friend adored so much, only to pass it on before I emptied the whole bottle. I used to wear Mark and Spencer's waterlily fragrances, the Body Shop white musk and cassis rose and lotus petal, Burberry London (much too strong, to my dismay), Lacoste, Elizabeth Arden Green Tea, and a couple forgettable others.. but I haven't found the one, yet.

I fall in love with Bvlgari Voile de Jasmin though, during a short trip to the department store, accompanied by this highly skilled salesman aka perfumista. I hope I'm not getting bored of the whole 100ml soon :) so far I have never restocked a perfume just because I love it too much.

Others I'm happy about: JLo Glow
The ones boyfriend loves: Clinique Happy and Bath and Body Works Sweet Pea

:man:

” I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

- Anais Nin -

:at the crossroads:

My life has always been at crossroads. It is extremely rare that I know exactly what I want in life. I'm almost always consumed by emotions such as anger, curiosity, confusion - all of which contribute nothing and are powered by my insecurity and uncertainty about my choices.

I've had chances and choices, most of which I neglect because of my risk aversion tendencies. I always fear getting hurt, getting blistered, losing (trust, love, people, things, money, freedom) that I position myself as having no choice. Perhaps that is why I never learn. People who learn are those who have been through difficult things, not those who thwart problems in the other direction or ducking, evading, barely making it possible for them to learn something from their problems.


I'm that person that ducks. I'm too busy ducking to realize why.

He just makes me realize that.

I'm now at another crossroad - I'm not sure what I am doing. And instead of running away, I think I'm going to stick around now. Just in case.

I should be the one who's in control of my own life, and every condition involved in it.
Another mission - if I don't know what I want, I should be on a journey to find it.

It's going to be a long and tough journey, but it should be worth it.
I have someone by my side, anyways :)

2009: Lost and Found

2009 is a year when:

- I don't update my blogs as much as I'd like.
- I publish three novels in a row and get sick just as much because of the deadlines (and cheer three times louder when they hit the shelves).
- I go through an emotional turmoil.
- I grow a back bone and then some.
- I make adult decisions.
- I decide to go in search of myself and discover a lot of things in the process.
- I try to figure out what it is I want in life, relationships, career, and myself.
- I let other people know that what we expect is sometimes unexpected.
- I break hearts and get my heart broken over and over again.
but then trying to love like I've never been hurt before.
- I finally decide deadlines aren't worth it and that I need to create my own pace. Thus, the long absence and the break.
- I gain weight
and take up tennis lessons. and stop.
- I don't meet a lot of new people but maintain relationships with old friends.
- a year of change, both good and bad.
- I meet someone and fall in love hard.
- I say goodbyes.
but also hellos.
- I change.
and grow up.

It is time I say goodbye to 2009. Bittersweet moments - they will forever be memories.

Glam Girls Unbelievable - coming soon this December!

Buku keempatku akan segera terbit di awal Desember 2009 :) judulnya Glam Girls Unbelievable, instalasi ketiga serial Glam Girls, versi Maybella.

Ini sinopsisnya:

In the world of popularity, being perfect is everything. Kamu adalah pusat perhatian, jadi pastikan kamu memang layak mendapatkannya.

Kamu juga harus mengerti, tujuan tampil sempurna adalah demi dibenci. Di dunia kami, dibenci dan dicemburui adalah sebuah pujian. So true, Dahling! Orang-orang seperti tak bosan bergosip tentang Paris Hilton, tetapi apa yang dia dapat di kemudian hari? Kontrak reality show sendiri dan signature perfume yang dijual di seluruh dunia.

Cantik itu wajib hukumnya dan kesempurnaan adalah segalanya. Pastikan kau selalu tampil memesona dan bungkam mereka dengan senyuman terbaikmu. Satu kesalahan kecil saja - voila! - bibir-bibir ber-lipgloss itu pasti ramai menghabisimu...

**

:D

Months After

Soo.. what's up with me?

Haven't been online for nearly weeks. Been busy with this new project, which turns out pretty well because next month my fourth book will hit the stores. It's the latest installment to a series by Gagas Media, my beloved publisher.

Other things that revolve around my life lately are work, work, work. I'm more immersed in my job lately.

A lot has changed. Not just my relationship status. Not just matters of the heart, dreams, obsessions, needs and desires. Not just my personality. EVERYTHING changes - my life changes, hopefully to the better.

Overall, I am doing okay. I am happy. I am alive.

It feels good to be back :) how are you guys?

a small reminder

Rule of Thumb

May 19, '09 1:30 AM for everyone

Writing rule # 1..
write only what you like. what you want. what you love.

Looked back to what I wrote a couple of months ago.
Now I realized how wrong I had been.
Mistakes, mistakes.
You learn from them, don't you?

Dapatkan Refrain di toko buku online (discount up to 25%)

Berhubung Refrain sudah masuk toko buku Jakarta dan sekarang sedang didistribusikan ke luar Jakarta, saya juga menemukan beberapa link toko buku online yang menjual Refrain, dengan harga diskon tentunya :)

Lebih mudah dan nggak perlu keluar rumah untuk beli hehehe. Berikut linknya (langsung klik di nama tokonya ya):

BukaBuku.com (discount 25%!!)

Media Buku

Toko Buku Taro

Selamat berbelanja, dan terima kasih jika kamu membeli Refrain :)

Meet Refrain - my third novel, now in stores :)

Aahhhhhh baru dapet kabar kalau novel baruku sudah duduk manis di Gramedia :) senangnya.
Meet my third book - Refrain.

Ini sinopsisnya:

Tidak ada persahabatan yang sempurna di dunia ini, yang ada hanya orang-orang yang berusaha sebisa mungkin untuk mempertahankannya.

**

Ini bisa jadi sebuah kisah cinta biasa. Tentang sahabat sejak kecil, yang kemudian jatuh cinta kepada sahabatnya sendiri. Sayangnya, di setiap cinta harus ada yang terluka.

Ini barangkali hanya sebuah kisah cinta sederhana. Tentang tiga sahabat yang merasa saling memiliki meskipun diam-diam saling melukai.

Ini kisah tentang harapan yang hampir hilang. Sebuah kisah tentang cinta yang nyaris sempurna, kecuali rasa sakit karena persahabatan itu sendiri.

**

Novelku kali ini tone-nya lebih ceria :) I think it's the most cheerful book I've ever written. Hihihi. I really hope my readers will like (love!) it.