Three years ago I spent it watching a midnight screening of Memoirs of a Geisha.
Two years ago I spent it alone, watching fireworks from my bedroom window and complaining because the noise made me unable to sleep till three a.m.
A year ago we went to a friend's birthday party at a local club, watching the world blur, a couple of alcohol, a kiss sneaked in.
This year, I spent it with good friends;
a decision
buying fireworks together
being late for the party
getting a phone call about an emergency accident before the barbecue
waiting for friends from the emergency room in the hospital
cooking my first teppanyaki dinner
playing silly games on Wii till nearly dawn
zooming our way in the empty highway
and wishing you a happy new year
may uncertainties turn to good things
may the future be a bright one
may the good things never come to an end
The Official Blog of Winna Efendi
Rabu, 31 Desember 2008
Di pergantian tahun baru..
Saya membereskan folder lagu, foto dan data di komputer lalu membuat backup.
Mencoba bangun siang karena semalam baru pulang jam 4 pagi tapi terbangun karena kram kaki dan SMS yang tidak hentinya masuk.
Santai-santai dan berencana balas dendam dengan menonton DVD dan baca buku suka-suka karena akhirnya editing buku ketiga sudah selesai tepat waktu (cuma perlu proofreading sekaliii lagi setelah puluhan proofreading sebelumnya).
Bersenang-senang.
Berencana untuk tidak membuat rencana untuk hari ulang tahun saya minggu depan.
Tidur siang yang banyak, midnight DVD yang banyak, dan bangun siang yang banyak juga.
Menikmati sisa liburan ini sebaik-baiknya, karena nanti harus mulai pekerjaan baru dan tidak ada libur panjang lagi.
Oh ya, selamat tahun baru semuanya :)
Mencoba bangun siang karena semalam baru pulang jam 4 pagi tapi terbangun karena kram kaki dan SMS yang tidak hentinya masuk.
Santai-santai dan berencana balas dendam dengan menonton DVD dan baca buku suka-suka karena akhirnya editing buku ketiga sudah selesai tepat waktu (cuma perlu proofreading sekaliii lagi setelah puluhan proofreading sebelumnya).
Bersenang-senang.
Berencana untuk tidak membuat rencana untuk hari ulang tahun saya minggu depan.
Tidur siang yang banyak, midnight DVD yang banyak, dan bangun siang yang banyak juga.
Menikmati sisa liburan ini sebaik-baiknya, karena nanti harus mulai pekerjaan baru dan tidak ada libur panjang lagi.
Oh ya, selamat tahun baru semuanya :)
Rabu, 24 Desember 2008
Christmas
I missed the mistletoe and the old Christmas movies on TV
I missed classic songs on the radio
I missed the scent of the church, the sounds of choir
I missed the quiet rings of bells
the school events
the gifts exchange
the giant Christmas trees
the decorations
the best time of the year
the special feelings
I missed writing to Santa Claus
I missed imagining what presents I would get
but this year..
I'm grateful all the same
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
may peace be in your heart
I missed classic songs on the radio
I missed the scent of the church, the sounds of choir
I missed the quiet rings of bells
the school events
the gifts exchange
the giant Christmas trees
the decorations
the best time of the year
the special feelings
I missed writing to Santa Claus
I missed imagining what presents I would get
but this year..
I'm grateful all the same
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
may peace be in your heart
365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months and 1 year
Tahun 2008 adalah salah satu tahun paling happening selama hidup saya, berdampingan dengan tahun di mana saya menemukan soulmate, mengalami lika-liku persahabatan, pindah ke luar negeri, dan kejadian penting lainnya.
Saya masih ingat, di akhir tahun 2007, sebuah prediksi horoskop mengatakan saya akan menjadi kreatif dan produktif di tahun 2008. Bahwa saya akan memiliki buku yang diterbitkan, dan hal itu benar-benar terjadi. Di awal tahun, buku pertama saya terbit. Di akhir tahun, buku kedua saya juga diterima penerbit.
Saya juga bertemu dengan banyak teman-teman dekat yang tidak pernah saya sangka akan saya jumpai sebelumnya. Saya bergabung dengan banyak clique dari berbagai komunitas - Fasity, Kemudian, dan lain-lain. Saya mendapatkan begitu banyak teman baru, belajar begitu banyak mengenai orang, memperluas pergaulan dan menjadi jauh lebih sociable, sampai-sampai saya sulit mengenali diri sendiri.
Saya menemukan banyak hal mengenai diri sendiri. Menemukan sisi-sisi berlawanan yang tidak pernah saya sangka eksis - emosi, sensitivitas, kemampuan menganalisa dan berstrategi, attachment pada banyak hal, toleransi, sisi positif, sisi negatif, kemampuan bersosialisasi. Saya belajar menerima diri sendiri, bercermin dan menilai kelebihan maupun kekurangan saya.
Saya menyadari bahwa banyak orang yang menyayangi saya apa adanya. Saya belajar melihat bahwa mereka yang ada di hadapan kita belum tentu setulus tampaknya, bahwa kita tidak akan bisa benar-benar menilai seseorang hanya melalui apa yang mereka katakan dan lakukan.
Saya mengalami lingkungan kerja yang berbeda, pertama kalinya mempunyai beberapa bawahan, lalu mengalami rasanya dikhianati oleh orang-orang yang saya percayai, merasakan sendiri mereka menusuk saya dari belakang, walau saya berusaha keras membela mereka. Melihat satu-persatu dari mereka mengucapkan selamat tinggal, dan beberapa pergi begitu saja.
Saya belajar memaafkan, dimaafkan, meminta maaf, menerima diri sendiri untuk kesalahan yang saya lakukan, letting go.. dan entah mengapa, walau saya tidak mampu mengingat semua kejadian besar yang terjadi tahun ini, saya merasa saya semakin dewasa. I grow up and I feel proud of what I've accomplished.
Karena itu, di tahun 2009, mungkin saja saya bisa sedikit berangan-angan untuk beresolusi. Saya ingin:
1. Belajar menyetir
walau yang ini tidak pernah kesampaian karena saya malas.
2. Mengadopsi hidup sehat
Sejak operasi gigi, saya sadar bahwa saya harus sesekali berubah vegetarian dan lebih sering berolahraga. Latihan tenis yang direncanakan tidak dimulai-mulai dan tubuh mulai terbiasa pada pola malas.
3. Lebih banyak bersabar dan less emotional
Setiap hari di kantor banyak marahnya, jadi harus lebih kalem lagi dalam menghadapi masalah.
4. Judge less, love more
Lebih sedikit menilai dan mendiskriminasi, lebih banyak menerima dan menyayangi.
5. Financially wise
Tidak ada lagi belanja nggak jelas yang nggak perlu.
6. Produktif dalam banyak hal
Misalnya pekerjaan sehari-hari (less chatting and personal browsing), lebih rajin menulis dan membaca dan belajar. Saya ingin menargetkan diri untuk menulis sebuah novel dewasa tahun depan, plus novel berbahasa asing.
Sementara hanya itu dulu. Dalam setahun, banyak yang bisa kita capai. Jadi, saya tidak akan menyerah :)
Saya masih ingat, di akhir tahun 2007, sebuah prediksi horoskop mengatakan saya akan menjadi kreatif dan produktif di tahun 2008. Bahwa saya akan memiliki buku yang diterbitkan, dan hal itu benar-benar terjadi. Di awal tahun, buku pertama saya terbit. Di akhir tahun, buku kedua saya juga diterima penerbit.
Saya juga bertemu dengan banyak teman-teman dekat yang tidak pernah saya sangka akan saya jumpai sebelumnya. Saya bergabung dengan banyak clique dari berbagai komunitas - Fasity, Kemudian, dan lain-lain. Saya mendapatkan begitu banyak teman baru, belajar begitu banyak mengenai orang, memperluas pergaulan dan menjadi jauh lebih sociable, sampai-sampai saya sulit mengenali diri sendiri.
Saya menemukan banyak hal mengenai diri sendiri. Menemukan sisi-sisi berlawanan yang tidak pernah saya sangka eksis - emosi, sensitivitas, kemampuan menganalisa dan berstrategi, attachment pada banyak hal, toleransi, sisi positif, sisi negatif, kemampuan bersosialisasi. Saya belajar menerima diri sendiri, bercermin dan menilai kelebihan maupun kekurangan saya.
Saya menyadari bahwa banyak orang yang menyayangi saya apa adanya. Saya belajar melihat bahwa mereka yang ada di hadapan kita belum tentu setulus tampaknya, bahwa kita tidak akan bisa benar-benar menilai seseorang hanya melalui apa yang mereka katakan dan lakukan.
Saya mengalami lingkungan kerja yang berbeda, pertama kalinya mempunyai beberapa bawahan, lalu mengalami rasanya dikhianati oleh orang-orang yang saya percayai, merasakan sendiri mereka menusuk saya dari belakang, walau saya berusaha keras membela mereka. Melihat satu-persatu dari mereka mengucapkan selamat tinggal, dan beberapa pergi begitu saja.
Saya belajar memaafkan, dimaafkan, meminta maaf, menerima diri sendiri untuk kesalahan yang saya lakukan, letting go.. dan entah mengapa, walau saya tidak mampu mengingat semua kejadian besar yang terjadi tahun ini, saya merasa saya semakin dewasa. I grow up and I feel proud of what I've accomplished.
Karena itu, di tahun 2009, mungkin saja saya bisa sedikit berangan-angan untuk beresolusi. Saya ingin:
1. Belajar menyetir
walau yang ini tidak pernah kesampaian karena saya malas.
2. Mengadopsi hidup sehat
Sejak operasi gigi, saya sadar bahwa saya harus sesekali berubah vegetarian dan lebih sering berolahraga. Latihan tenis yang direncanakan tidak dimulai-mulai dan tubuh mulai terbiasa pada pola malas.
3. Lebih banyak bersabar dan less emotional
Setiap hari di kantor banyak marahnya, jadi harus lebih kalem lagi dalam menghadapi masalah.
4. Judge less, love more
Lebih sedikit menilai dan mendiskriminasi, lebih banyak menerima dan menyayangi.
5. Financially wise
Tidak ada lagi belanja nggak jelas yang nggak perlu.
6. Produktif dalam banyak hal
Misalnya pekerjaan sehari-hari (less chatting and personal browsing), lebih rajin menulis dan membaca dan belajar. Saya ingin menargetkan diri untuk menulis sebuah novel dewasa tahun depan, plus novel berbahasa asing.
Sementara hanya itu dulu. Dalam setahun, banyak yang bisa kita capai. Jadi, saya tidak akan menyerah :)
Rabu, 17 Desember 2008
I've grown more appreciative towards..
... soup.
Mama membuatkan sup telur yang sangat sedap. Sejak operasi gigi hari Senin, saya sama sekali belum makan apa pun yang padat. Sudah empat hari. Bayangan makanan favorit seperti steak, pancake, daging, sayur, soto, sushi, nasi... semua membuat saya meneteskan liur. Saya lapar selapar-laparnya.
Tapi saya menjadi pecandu sup, susu dan jus. Tanpanya saya mungkin akan pingsan karena lemas.
Yang bikin kesal, saya ditertawakan teman-teman sekantor saat masuk pagi ini dengan wajah tembam dan lebam di sana-sini. Dalam keadaan nggak bisa ngomong dan lemas. *apa enaknya ngetawain orang sakit coba?*
Setelah bekerja beberapa jam, mata mulai berair, badan mulai capek, dan saya pun ijin pulang untuk tidur. Ini adalah tidur siang pertama saya dalam beberapa bulan - coz I don't take naps - dan dua jam itu adalah dua jam terlelap dalam hidup saya.
Back to editing mode. Sudah seminggu lebih sejak saya absen editing, entah karena alasan sakit atau mandek atau malas.
Mama membuatkan sup telur yang sangat sedap. Sejak operasi gigi hari Senin, saya sama sekali belum makan apa pun yang padat. Sudah empat hari. Bayangan makanan favorit seperti steak, pancake, daging, sayur, soto, sushi, nasi... semua membuat saya meneteskan liur. Saya lapar selapar-laparnya.
Tapi saya menjadi pecandu sup, susu dan jus. Tanpanya saya mungkin akan pingsan karena lemas.
Yang bikin kesal, saya ditertawakan teman-teman sekantor saat masuk pagi ini dengan wajah tembam dan lebam di sana-sini. Dalam keadaan nggak bisa ngomong dan lemas. *apa enaknya ngetawain orang sakit coba?*
Setelah bekerja beberapa jam, mata mulai berair, badan mulai capek, dan saya pun ijin pulang untuk tidur. Ini adalah tidur siang pertama saya dalam beberapa bulan - coz I don't take naps - dan dua jam itu adalah dua jam terlelap dalam hidup saya.
Back to editing mode. Sudah seminggu lebih sejak saya absen editing, entah karena alasan sakit atau mandek atau malas.
Senin, 15 Desember 2008
Good news!
Hari ini mbak Alit dari Gagas Media menelepon. Seketika saya lupa bahwa pipi sedang bengkak besar dan tidak bisa bicara jelas :P
tapi... Ai akan diterbitkan!!!
*did an awkward little dance while trying to smile and wince in pain at the same time*
Thank you, teman-teman yang sudah mendukung dan menanyakan Ai.
Terima kasih banyak pihak Gagas Media yang telah memberikan saya kesempatan ini :)
tapi... Ai akan diterbitkan!!!
*did an awkward little dance while trying to smile and wince in pain at the same time*
Thank you, teman-teman yang sudah mendukung dan menanyakan Ai.
Terima kasih banyak pihak Gagas Media yang telah memberikan saya kesempatan ini :)
Selasa, 09 Desember 2008
90 minutes
90 minutes - the amount of time I need for the surgery next Monday, to remove my useless wisdom teeth.
They are equivalent to around 22 tracks.
I will have to select a special playlist to stop squirming and feeling the dentists working on the teeth.
Any suggestions? A combination of mellow and upbeat songs will be appreciated.
They are equivalent to around 22 tracks.
I will have to select a special playlist to stop squirming and feeling the dentists working on the teeth.
Any suggestions? A combination of mellow and upbeat songs will be appreciated.
WiFi
Berhubung di rumah pasang wifi...
sekarang bisa chatting sambil tiduran
bisa upload dan download sesuka hati
bisa ngetik sambil online
bisa nonton DVD sambil download ditinggal tidur
bisa nonton ANTM di YouTube suka-suka
horeee
:D
*senang mode on*
sekarang bisa chatting sambil tiduran
bisa upload dan download sesuka hati
bisa ngetik sambil online
bisa nonton DVD sambil download ditinggal tidur
bisa nonton ANTM di YouTube suka-suka
horeee
:D
*senang mode on*
Minggu, 07 Desember 2008
December..
.. has become a vicious time for me.
Weekdays are filled with dental appointments and work and editing.
Weekends, catching up with some friends from several social circles.
Movie dates with friends, lunch with BFFs, and sprees with new found friends.
Workshop with writer friends.
Free time is for comic books, unwatched movies waiting on my shelves, books I should dig into, new stories and sleep.
I'm so happy I've made a lot of great friends this year ;)
Weekdays are filled with dental appointments and work and editing.
Weekends, catching up with some friends from several social circles.
Movie dates with friends, lunch with BFFs, and sprees with new found friends.
Workshop with writer friends.
Free time is for comic books, unwatched movies waiting on my shelves, books I should dig into, new stories and sleep.
I'm so happy I've made a lot of great friends this year ;)
Minggu, 30 November 2008
Ngiri.com
... pada mereka yang sudah midnight Twilight
... pada mereka yang tidur nyenyak setiap malam dan bangun pagi dengan segar
... pada mereka yang punya akses ke Amazon.com dan bisa belanja tanpa peduli dolar naik
... pada orang-orang yang cuti hari ini
... pada semua yang menghabiskan berjam-jam baca komik, nonton, baca novel dan tidur lalu bersenang-senang tanpa harus mikirin kerjaan dan tumpukan tugas lainnya
... pada penulis yang hebat-hebat
dan karena saya tidak bisa seperti mereka.
... pada mereka yang tidur nyenyak setiap malam dan bangun pagi dengan segar
... pada mereka yang punya akses ke Amazon.com dan bisa belanja tanpa peduli dolar naik
... pada orang-orang yang cuti hari ini
... pada semua yang menghabiskan berjam-jam baca komik, nonton, baca novel dan tidur lalu bersenang-senang tanpa harus mikirin kerjaan dan tumpukan tugas lainnya
... pada penulis yang hebat-hebat
dan karena saya tidak bisa seperti mereka.
Rabu, 26 November 2008
Sunset Dinner
I dined basking in sunlight tonight.
The sun was bright orange.
Picture taken from theonion.com
The sun was bright orange.
Picture taken from theonion.com
Rough draft #1
Rough draft number one is done.
182 pages in Times New Roman size 11 and 1.5 spacing.
13 constructive scenes need reediting for the second draft
which sum up to 47 pages of further retouching.
whoa.
I'm overwhelmed.
My brain actually needs to do real work now instead of just spotting typos and changing paragraphs.
*pats myself on the back*
182 pages in Times New Roman size 11 and 1.5 spacing.
13 constructive scenes need reediting for the second draft
which sum up to 47 pages of further retouching.
whoa.
I'm overwhelmed.
My brain actually needs to do real work now instead of just spotting typos and changing paragraphs.
*pats myself on the back*
Selasa, 25 November 2008
To proof how small this world really is...
... I found out that my friend's younger brother is in Vancouver right now, and his girlfriend is linked to a friend of my best friend's in Australia.
I never expected we would have that kind of network. Ask FaceBook.
I never expected we would have that kind of network. Ask FaceBook.
Mad for Quizzes
Some quizzes I took on Facebook..
Which dark side are you?
Quiet
Your dark side is soft and recessive. It is rarely visible. Usually you are the only one hurt by your dark side, because you keep to yourself in your darkest hour.
Claim your elf
Dominant
You want a male who's possesive but tender, and makes you feel as though he will protect you no matter what. You want someone who will fend off the rivals and claim you as his own, who's powers can be compaired to no other. His looks are as seductive and as dark as his personality, and you simply can't resist his touch. He is inclined to brood, and his laughter is rare, but when he smiles it is because of you.
I like how they sound :D
I like how they sound :D
Senin, 24 November 2008
25 November 2008
I was underground, in a strange land made of passages and tunnels. It looked bizarre; everything was brown, looking like what it should be beyond the Earth.
I was supposed to be looking for souls. In the end I found all but two.
When the strange game ended, I found the missing soul behind the bathroom door, its lifeless body with eyes closed and palms slapped together. It was so scary I started screaming and running down the stairs.
They said the soul did not come back. That was why the body was there.
I dreamed I was in a game, but in a different game. And I saw Geoff there. And his girlfriend Tisha.
It was indeed weird.
Minggu, 23 November 2008
what does it mean to say 'thank you'?
Honestly, what does it mean to say those two words? Or simply sorry, excuse me, and other polite words?
I admit, a few times I was so pissed I neglected those words. But in everyday lives, even when socializing with your friends or talking to your loved ones, you still need those words.
Barusan saya memberikan bilyet giro sebagai bentuk pembayaran kepada pihak eksternal yang kebetulan datang (dan mengganggu jam makan saya, mendadak pula tanpa peduli apakah kedatangannya pada saat yang tepat). Saya memberikan selembar giro dan tanda terima, dan orang tersebut mengambilnya tanpa melihat langsung pada saya, menandatanganinya dan langsung ngeloyor pergi.
I was like, oh. Oookay.
Itu masih tidak apa-apa. Beberapa kali selama resepsi pernikahan saudara saya semalam (dan sebelum-sebelumnya juga pernah), ada orang yang menyikut, menginjak, memotong jalan, walau tanpa sengaja, tapi tidak meminta maaf. Resepsi bagaikan pasar tempat berebut makanan dan saling adu cepat dalam siapa yang mengambil peralatan makan dan mengisinya.
Atau ada yang membuka pintu dan langsung pergi tanpa mempedulikan bahwa pintu yang ditinggalkannya begitu saja dapat menghantam orang di belakangnya. Orang yang mendorong pintu terbuka lebar-lebar dan ngeloyor pergi tanpa menengok ke belakang untuk memastikan orang yang berdiri di belakangnya dapat lewat.
I admit, a few times I was so pissed I neglected those words. But in everyday lives, even when socializing with your friends or talking to your loved ones, you still need those words.
Barusan saya memberikan bilyet giro sebagai bentuk pembayaran kepada pihak eksternal yang kebetulan datang (dan mengganggu jam makan saya, mendadak pula tanpa peduli apakah kedatangannya pada saat yang tepat). Saya memberikan selembar giro dan tanda terima, dan orang tersebut mengambilnya tanpa melihat langsung pada saya, menandatanganinya dan langsung ngeloyor pergi.
I was like, oh. Oookay.
Itu masih tidak apa-apa. Beberapa kali selama resepsi pernikahan saudara saya semalam (dan sebelum-sebelumnya juga pernah), ada orang yang menyikut, menginjak, memotong jalan, walau tanpa sengaja, tapi tidak meminta maaf. Resepsi bagaikan pasar tempat berebut makanan dan saling adu cepat dalam siapa yang mengambil peralatan makan dan mengisinya.
Atau ada yang membuka pintu dan langsung pergi tanpa mempedulikan bahwa pintu yang ditinggalkannya begitu saja dapat menghantam orang di belakangnya. Orang yang mendorong pintu terbuka lebar-lebar dan ngeloyor pergi tanpa menengok ke belakang untuk memastikan orang yang berdiri di belakangnya dapat lewat.
I'm not big on manners but sometimes I think little actions of kindness are what get you by in life. How many times has a person smiled at you, a genuine smile, and you feel all good inside? In this society, not a lot of people are friendly and genuine. Everyone is wearing a mask, everyone is emotional, and everyone is selfish.
Is that how we want this world to be?
Is that how we want this world to be?
Jumat, 21 November 2008
Masa sih?
Hasil tes kecil-kecilan yang g lihat di blognya Margie :D
You are Gold Raccoon, who display an easy outlook, and are very graceful.
You give an impression of typical traditional Japanese women.
You are always quiet, and will not speak out your thoughts openly.
Your modesty and gracefulness will avoid friction, and will be able to make the harsh atmosphere turn friendly.
You tend to forget things easily and make easy promises.
But your cheerful and active character pays for those weak points.
It may be a good idea if you take notes.
You don't think things seriously, and people may think you to be too indifferent.
This may be a good thing to do sometimes, but it may also result in you losing important
things and people.
But once you set an objective, your concentration is amazing.
Once you start on something, you will accomplish the goal no matter what.
Unlike your pretty atmosphere, in real life, you are very active person, and although you may look sensitive, you have great nerve and guts.
You also possess observing eyes towards people, and have great talent and know how to get on in life.
You act as though you are weak towards men, but really you are the one manipulating them successfully.
You are likely to make your husband a dominating one.
You are more interested in your career than your love life.
But once you fall in love, you get extremely passionate, and will attack with all your heart and mind and strength.
After getting married, you will put all your energy into your family.
Kayaknya nggak semuanya bener :D but I'm a double personality sort of person so I guess it depends :D
You are Gold Raccoon, who display an easy outlook, and are very graceful.
You give an impression of typical traditional Japanese women.
You are always quiet, and will not speak out your thoughts openly.
Your modesty and gracefulness will avoid friction, and will be able to make the harsh atmosphere turn friendly.
You tend to forget things easily and make easy promises.
But your cheerful and active character pays for those weak points.
It may be a good idea if you take notes.
You don't think things seriously, and people may think you to be too indifferent.
This may be a good thing to do sometimes, but it may also result in you losing important
things and people.
But once you set an objective, your concentration is amazing.
Once you start on something, you will accomplish the goal no matter what.
Unlike your pretty atmosphere, in real life, you are very active person, and although you may look sensitive, you have great nerve and guts.
You also possess observing eyes towards people, and have great talent and know how to get on in life.
You act as though you are weak towards men, but really you are the one manipulating them successfully.
You are likely to make your husband a dominating one.
You are more interested in your career than your love life.
But once you fall in love, you get extremely passionate, and will attack with all your heart and mind and strength.
After getting married, you will put all your energy into your family.
Kayaknya nggak semuanya bener :D but I'm a double personality sort of person so I guess it depends :D
Kamis, 20 November 2008
movies and books
Things I look forward to this weekend:
- watching ANTM cycle 11
- my cousin's wedding
- editing
- reading a few new books I just got on the mail
- reading manga (Emma 8 dan First Boyfriend 8 barusan keluar, horee!)
- nonton, mungkin
Things I look forward to next month:
- Twilight (because I just have to watch it, dan review banyak yang bilang mengecewakan and unlike everything in the book)
- Nights in Rodanthe (entah kapan bisa keluar di Indo tapi ingin nonton Diane Lane dan Richard Gere dalam drama romantis berending tragis)
- a couple of other movies worth watching compared to this month's bad choices.
- a couple of books like Nineteen Minutes, the Virgin's Lover, A Little Romance, Lost and Found, etc.
It's been a busy month! So there, I've made my list.
- watching ANTM cycle 11
- my cousin's wedding
- editing
- reading a few new books I just got on the mail
- reading manga (Emma 8 dan First Boyfriend 8 barusan keluar, horee!)
- nonton, mungkin
Things I look forward to next month:
- Twilight (because I just have to watch it, dan review banyak yang bilang mengecewakan and unlike everything in the book)
- Nights in Rodanthe (entah kapan bisa keluar di Indo tapi ingin nonton Diane Lane dan Richard Gere dalam drama romantis berending tragis)
- a couple of other movies worth watching compared to this month's bad choices.
- a couple of books like Nineteen Minutes, the Virgin's Lover, A Little Romance, Lost and Found, etc.
It's been a busy month! So there, I've made my list.
Nineteen Minutes
After watching Not Like Everybody Else, I googled a lot about high school massacres and I was immediately drawn in by the tragic drama.. I'd like to read about their side of the story so I have an instant craving of reading Jodi Picoult's book, Nineteen Minutes.
Have heard of it but have never really bought or read it every time I passed the aisle at Periplus :D and this morning I mooched it! Yay! It's one of the rarest books on the site and I was glad I found one.
No purpose for this entry. Just to brag, actually :D Could barely contain my excitement. Someone from the US (she's Indonesian!) just mooched 3 of my books, including Kenangan Abu-Abu. Have a lot to send overseas and I'm in an excess of points, suddenly!
Have heard of it but have never really bought or read it every time I passed the aisle at Periplus :D and this morning I mooched it! Yay! It's one of the rarest books on the site and I was glad I found one.
No purpose for this entry. Just to brag, actually :D Could barely contain my excitement. Someone from the US (she's Indonesian!) just mooched 3 of my books, including Kenangan Abu-Abu. Have a lot to send overseas and I'm in an excess of points, suddenly!
Senin, 17 November 2008
Road to Oblivion
Lately... I'm oblivious to the outside world.
I'm hooked to my computer all day and refuse to do anything else unless I really have to.
Everyone's going on without me,
I'm stuck here.
and I can't even figure out what's really bothering me.
that's how it feels like lately.
I'm hooked to my computer all day and refuse to do anything else unless I really have to.
Everyone's going on without me,
I'm stuck here.
and I can't even figure out what's really bothering me.
that's how it feels like lately.
Minggu, 16 November 2008
My Brisbane
As I was browsing a selection of coats online, I realized I missed something about Brisbane.
The weather.
It's different from our tropical long summer and rainy days. It has its share of cold rainy days, which makes walking to the bus stop and waking up terribly hard to do. I remember being soaked in drizzles, my running shoes wet and all I wanted to do when I got home was soak myself in a warm bathtub and sleep all day - which I didn't because I needed to get the mud off my socks.
At night it's almost always so cold. I remember freezing in my thin Indonesian jackets - those cottons did not help at all. Those were the moments of pretty coats and thick jackets, my favorite Rusty white winter jacket with its fur hoodie, and my knit coat brushing my knee as I walked. And the extremely warm coat of blanket and a pair of gloves.
Brisbane has hail sometimes. There is no snow but the air is cold enough for puffs of air and cracked skin.
I love autumn most, although sometimes it rains too much for my liking. I like watching blurs of grey from the bus window, everyone's clothes hidden beneath their coats and umbrellas. I like watching the sea hurl waves, the sky so dark it almost rains. It's beautiful.
.. and summer. It's always so unbearably hot. I hate walking in dry pavements, feeling the dusty air and sweating profusely. But it's also the time for trips to Gold Coast, and time for wearing the skimpiest of outfits. I love wearing strapless and shorts and sneakers, going to the beach, hunting for shopping sprees, and at night it's the perfect weather to sleep in.
I also miss those golden 2 dollar coins. I miss sliding my bus ticket and showing my student ID. I miss going on late night trips and shopping alone. I miss eating big strawberries with Nutella. Chatting with my friends and locking myself in my room, talking on the phone. I miss library visits, checking out books I reserved.
I miss so much but I am not missing out much.
Still, it's always been my Brisbane. Sometime perhaps I'll relive it all over again.
The weather.
It's different from our tropical long summer and rainy days. It has its share of cold rainy days, which makes walking to the bus stop and waking up terribly hard to do. I remember being soaked in drizzles, my running shoes wet and all I wanted to do when I got home was soak myself in a warm bathtub and sleep all day - which I didn't because I needed to get the mud off my socks.
At night it's almost always so cold. I remember freezing in my thin Indonesian jackets - those cottons did not help at all. Those were the moments of pretty coats and thick jackets, my favorite Rusty white winter jacket with its fur hoodie, and my knit coat brushing my knee as I walked. And the extremely warm coat of blanket and a pair of gloves.
Brisbane has hail sometimes. There is no snow but the air is cold enough for puffs of air and cracked skin.
I love autumn most, although sometimes it rains too much for my liking. I like watching blurs of grey from the bus window, everyone's clothes hidden beneath their coats and umbrellas. I like watching the sea hurl waves, the sky so dark it almost rains. It's beautiful.
.. and summer. It's always so unbearably hot. I hate walking in dry pavements, feeling the dusty air and sweating profusely. But it's also the time for trips to Gold Coast, and time for wearing the skimpiest of outfits. I love wearing strapless and shorts and sneakers, going to the beach, hunting for shopping sprees, and at night it's the perfect weather to sleep in.
I also miss those golden 2 dollar coins. I miss sliding my bus ticket and showing my student ID. I miss going on late night trips and shopping alone. I miss eating big strawberries with Nutella. Chatting with my friends and locking myself in my room, talking on the phone. I miss library visits, checking out books I reserved.
I miss so much but I am not missing out much.
Still, it's always been my Brisbane. Sometime perhaps I'll relive it all over again.
Sabtu, 15 November 2008
10 things about me
Ten random things you probably don't know about me, in other words, you get to know how wacky the person you're tagging really is. Spill any secrets, come on.
Tagged by Vilia, sorry it took ages.
1. Pengoleksi segala hal aneh
Mulai dari old high school diaries, scraps of papers containing angst poems and illustrations, ide untuk novel, tumpukan cerpen lama gak jelas, perangko tua dari berbagai negara, scarves, books, antique thingies, tas, sepatu... I'm an avid collector of things other people call junks. My mom can't stand that habit I do.
2. Boots
Saya penggemar boots. Ankle boots, especially, karena di Indonesia gak bisa pakai boots tinggi selutut, apalagi yang bahannya denim dan leather karena panas (though they look so cool and are such a waste in my shoe wardrobe). Any colors, grey, white, black, camel brown.. high heeled and pointy. Love 'em.
3. Can't stand liquor, but love them all the same
I love cold sips of champagne. Feel posh drinking wine. But a full glass knocks me out in no time. I once fainted after half a glass of champagne on empty stomach :D
4. Not an animal person
Burung, ayam, hamster, reptil, ikan, anjing, kucing - I only look at them. Don't let me get near them. Petrified to death.
5. Not a morning person. Definitely.
Self explanatory :D
6. A sucker for classic and young adult movies.
Suka sekali dengan film-film tahun 80an, dan film-film remaja. I love the Mighty Ducks, John Hughes movies, film-film dengan kostum jadul that reminds me of my mother in her high school pictures..
7. Terribly messy with numbers.
I prefer words to figures.
8. Suka membuat daftar untuk segala sesuatu
To-do lists, to-write lists, to-watch lists, to-read lists.. semua dijadikan daftar, ditulis di buku, sobekan kertas bekas, ujung dokumen, di handphone.. :D Nanti yang udah selesai di-highlight dan dicentang, terus dibuang. Kalau belum selesai nggak akan dibuang sebelum semuanya tercentang. I'm such a freak sometimes.
9. Not a social person
Susah berkenalan dengan orang baru dan gak pernah merasa nyaman in a room full of strangers :) that's my nature although it improves with time. I used to be one shy unsociable person who never spoke a word that made sense.
10... that's for me to keep and for you to find out (quoting from a book).
Perhaps you want to add to the list? Go ahead.
Tagged by Vilia, sorry it took ages.
1. Pengoleksi segala hal aneh
Mulai dari old high school diaries, scraps of papers containing angst poems and illustrations, ide untuk novel, tumpukan cerpen lama gak jelas, perangko tua dari berbagai negara, scarves, books, antique thingies, tas, sepatu... I'm an avid collector of things other people call junks. My mom can't stand that habit I do.
2. Boots
Saya penggemar boots. Ankle boots, especially, karena di Indonesia gak bisa pakai boots tinggi selutut, apalagi yang bahannya denim dan leather karena panas (though they look so cool and are such a waste in my shoe wardrobe). Any colors, grey, white, black, camel brown.. high heeled and pointy. Love 'em.
3. Can't stand liquor, but love them all the same
I love cold sips of champagne. Feel posh drinking wine. But a full glass knocks me out in no time. I once fainted after half a glass of champagne on empty stomach :D
4. Not an animal person
Burung, ayam, hamster, reptil, ikan, anjing, kucing - I only look at them. Don't let me get near them. Petrified to death.
5. Not a morning person. Definitely.
Self explanatory :D
6. A sucker for classic and young adult movies.
Suka sekali dengan film-film tahun 80an, dan film-film remaja. I love the Mighty Ducks, John Hughes movies, film-film dengan kostum jadul that reminds me of my mother in her high school pictures..
7. Terribly messy with numbers.
I prefer words to figures.
8. Suka membuat daftar untuk segala sesuatu
To-do lists, to-write lists, to-watch lists, to-read lists.. semua dijadikan daftar, ditulis di buku, sobekan kertas bekas, ujung dokumen, di handphone.. :D Nanti yang udah selesai di-highlight dan dicentang, terus dibuang. Kalau belum selesai nggak akan dibuang sebelum semuanya tercentang. I'm such a freak sometimes.
9. Not a social person
Susah berkenalan dengan orang baru dan gak pernah merasa nyaman in a room full of strangers :) that's my nature although it improves with time. I used to be one shy unsociable person who never spoke a word that made sense.
10... that's for me to keep and for you to find out (quoting from a book).
Perhaps you want to add to the list? Go ahead.
Rabu, 12 November 2008
Rabu, 05 November 2008
Wish
Wish
6 November 2008, 4.13 pm
You
Wish for the love that will never end
For the charm that never runs out of luck
the chance that begins over and over again
like the river, like the sea
and the sky
to see the world turning on its axis
step your heels on foreign grounds
see a hundred different sunrises
feel the rush of the wind
till it carries you home
I wish you happiness
I wish you fortune
I wish you the magic
You have always yearned for
But
You know what I wish for?
You.
To stay.
Minggu, 02 November 2008
Kiss
Kiss
1 November 2008, Saturday, 1.24 a.m.
It was a kiss.
It was a kiss to be feared, for it took my breath away. Each breath exchanged spoke a thousand unsaid words. But I felt it as he breathed life into me, and I gave it back to him just so he could survive.
It was a kiss to be savoured. I knew it happened only once in a lifetime, like a pair of starcrossed lovers that only had the chance to meet once, then became stars in the sky, never crossing paths again.
It was a kiss to be remembered, because that was what memory was meant to do. It could memorize every detail like a sponge, bounce it back over and over again so that I would feel the same tingle by remembering it, just as if I were there.
It was a kiss to be mourned over. For the one time our lips touched, we would never be each other’s again. We knew it because it was what decency should be. Logic. Rationality. Not love, because love was never rational.
It was a kiss that joined two bodies. Barely touching but he felt my skin, I felt his and we were both burning with emotions we never ceased to understand. I did not want to figure it out because I did not have to, as long as I could feel them inside of me.
A fiery kiss as good as a passionate embrace, a kiss that was meant to last forever. Except it didn’t. When it ended, he walked away and never looked back. I sat alone like a fool, knowing I was never the same again.
Minggu, 26 Oktober 2008
Tiba-tiba...
... ingin sekali window shopping cangkir-cangkir teh yang lucu-lucu itu...
Lucu lucu lucu lucu!
Lucu lucu lucu lucu!Sabtu, 25 Oktober 2008
One More Time, One More Chance
The lyrics and translation to the ending theme of 5 cm per second. I think it is incredibly fitting, the lyrics just about perfectly describing what the whole movie is about.
One More Time, One More Chance
Lyrics and Vocals: Masayoshi Yamazaki
Arrangement: Toshiyuki Mori
Koreijou nani wo ushinaeba kokoro wa yurusareru no
Dore hodo no itami naraba mou ichido kimi ni aeru
One more time kisetsu yo utsurowanaide
One more time fuzake atta jikan yo
One More Time, One More Chance
Lyrics and Vocals: Masayoshi Yamazaki
Arrangement: Toshiyuki Mori
Koreijou nani wo ushinaeba kokoro wa yurusareru no
Dore hodo no itami naraba mou ichido kimi ni aeru
One more time kisetsu yo utsurowanaide
One more time fuzake atta jikan yo
Kuichigau toki wa itsumo boku ga saki ni oreta ne
Wagamama na seikaku ga naosara itoshiku saseta
One more chance kioku ni ashi wo torarete
One more chance tsugi no basho wo erabenai
Itsudemo sagashite iru yo dokka ni kimi no sugata wo
Mukai no HOOMU rojiura no mado
Konna toko ni iru hazu mo nai no ni
Negai ga moshimo kanau nara ima sugu kimi no moto e
Dekinai koto wa mou nanimo nai
Subete kakete dakishimete miseru yo
Sabishisa magirasu dake nara
Dare demo ii hazu na no ni
Hoshi ga ochisou na yoru dakara
Jibun wo itsuwarenai
One more time kisetsu yo utsurowanaide
One more time fuzake atta jikan yo
Itsudemo sagashite iru yo dokka ni kimi no sugata wo
Kousaten demo yume no naka demo
Konna toko ni iru hazu mo nai no ni
Kiseki ga moshimo okoru nara ima sugu kimi ni misetai
Atarashii asa korekara no boku
Ienakatta suki to iu kotoba mo
Natsu no omoide ga mawaru fui ni kieta kodou
Itsudemo sagashite iru yo dokka ni kimi no sugata wo
Akegata no machi sakuragichou de
Konna toko ni kuru hazu mo nai no ni
Negai ga moshimo kanau nara ima sugu kimi no moto e
Dekinai koto wa mou nanimo nai
Subete kakete dakishimete miseru yo
Itsudemo sagashite iru yo dokka ni kimi no kakera wo
Tabisaki no mise shinbun no sumi
Konna toko ni aru hazu mo nai no ni
Kiseki ga moshimo okoru nara ima sugu kimi ni misetai
Atarashii asa kore kara no boku
Ienakatta suki to iu kotoba mo
Itsu demo sagashite shimau dokka ni kimi no egao wo
Kyuukou machi no fumikiri atari
Konna toko ni iru hazu mo nai no ni
Inochi ga kurikaesu naraba nandomo kimi no moto e
Hoshii mono nado mou nanimo nai
Kimi no hoka ni taisetsu na mono nado
Translation~~
One More Time, One More Chance
Transliteration and translation: daike
Translation support: Emma
Translation edit: icieHow much more do I have to lose, before my heart is forgiven?
How many more pains do I have to suffer, to meet you once again?
One more time, oh seasons, fade not
One more time, when we were messing aroundWhenever we disagreed, I would always give in first
Your selfish nature made me love you even more
One more chance, the memories restrain my steps
One more chance, I cannot choose my next destinationI’m always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere
On the opposite platform, in the windows along the lane
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If my wish were to come true, I would be at your side right away
There would be nothing I couldn’t do
I would put everything on the line and hold you tight
________________________________________
If I just wanted to avoid loneliness, anybody would have been enough.
Because the night looks like the stars will fall, I cannot lie to myself.
One more time, oh seasons, fade not.
One more time, when we were messing aroundI’m always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere
At a street crossing, in the midst of dreams
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If a miracle were to happen here, I would show you right away
The new morning, who I’ll be from now on
And the words I never said: “I love you.”
________________________________________
The memories of summer are revolving
The throbbing which suddenly disappearedI’m always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere
At dawn on the streets, at Sakuragi-cho
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If my wish were to come true, I would be at your side right away
There would be nothing I couldn’t do
I would put everything on the line and hold you tightI’m always searching, for fragments of you to appear somewhere
At a traveller’s store, in the corner of newspaper,
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If a miracle were to happen here, I would show you right away
The new morning, who I’ll be from now on
And the words I never said: “I love you.”I always end up looking for your smile, to appear somewhere
At the railroad crossing, waiting for the express to pass
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If our lives could be repeated, I would be at your side every time
I would want nothing else
Besides you, nothing else matters
credit: http://miii.net
5 cm per second
The beautiful illustrations of the movie. I can't resist posting some.
The sakura petals falling when Akari first told Takaki that these petals fall at 5 cm per second, implying that is also how human lives pass.
Akari and Takaki as childhood friends, always retreating to the library and becoming good friends.
When Kanae wants to confess her feelings, she starts crying and stops as a nuclear plane zooms through the sky. Both she and Takaki look up and stare until the smoke fades.
Takaki and Akari meet again when they are adults but miss each other on the railways.Jumat, 24 Oktober 2008
Sonnentor
The Chinese philosopher Tien Yi-heng already knew, "You drink tea to forget the noise of the world… " - taken from the Sonnentor website.
My favorite tea! :)
Selasa, 21 Oktober 2008
Wisdom Tooth
... why is it called so if it does not bring wisdom - only pain and visits to the dentist?
Senin, 20 Oktober 2008
Yellow Mellow
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,
I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow
Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know you know I love you so
You know I love you so
I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow
Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know for you i bleed myself dry
For you i bleed myself dry
Its true look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars look how they shine for you
A Coldplay song from high school :) I suddenly miss this song.
Kamis, 16 Oktober 2008
The randomest of thoughts
Random everyday banters keep passing through my head. It's like my brain can't stop talking and I just have to listen.
A friend of mine is getting married this Sunday and I haven't seen her in years. 11 years, to be exact. We were middle school classmates. I recall her as this tall and wiry girl with freckles and a shy smile.
That Sunday also happens to be the premiere of ANTM's second episode.
I feel bored. All I want is to go home and curl up with a movie and pajamas and lots of junk food.
This morning was so hectic that I barely had the time to check my emails.
Hey, reading rave reviews of Rectoverso makes me want to purchase the book, and the CD. I don't usually buy CDs.
I'm starving, by the way. Although that grill chicken for lunch was prolly the best meal I had this week.
I look mismatch, tired. My curls are semi straight and I didn't have the time to brush it this morning. I hope it looks better tomorrow.
And so on. Honestly, my mind just doesn't shut up.That Sunday also happens to be the premiere of ANTM's second episode.
The Sunday eventually leads to some of my childhood friends suddenly texting me. And making me remember every silly thing we did back when we were children. Including fruit nicking that got us into detention. I loved every minute of it - not feeling guilty at all.
I feel bored. All I want is to go home and curl up with a movie and pajamas and lots of junk food.
This morning was so hectic that I barely had the time to check my emails.
Hey, reading rave reviews of Rectoverso makes me want to purchase the book, and the CD. I don't usually buy CDs.
I'm starving, by the way. Although that grill chicken for lunch was prolly the best meal I had this week.
I look mismatch, tired. My curls are semi straight and I didn't have the time to brush it this morning. I hope it looks better tomorrow.
Rabu, 15 Oktober 2008
I'm in..
.. a good mood today.
:)
it's a surprise considering how insanely ludicrous work has gotten lately.
:)
it's a surprise considering how insanely ludicrous work has gotten lately.
Selasa, 14 Oktober 2008
Taking someone for granted
Tomorrow's the anniversary of my grandfather's death. It's been a year. I remember I was writing, during a long holiday, when the news came. I vaguely remember the scent of hospital, the patients occupying other beds in the same room. And I remember the funeral, averting my eyes from the graveyard just so I wouldn't feel anything. It was very hot there, and I watched as people cried, held each other, and poured buckets of flower petals. I heard prayers. It lasted for hours. It was like a scene out of a movie, in which I was just the audience.
Back then sometimes I missed him. We didn't talk and meet much but I was very fond of him, he was my favorite grandparent. It reminds me, sometimes we take people for granted. We only miss them when they are gone, need them when they are gone, and when they are still here, we do not really give a damn.
It's funny how life is, isn't it?
Back then sometimes I missed him. We didn't talk and meet much but I was very fond of him, he was my favorite grandparent. It reminds me, sometimes we take people for granted. We only miss them when they are gone, need them when they are gone, and when they are still here, we do not really give a damn.
It's funny how life is, isn't it?
Marjorie Conrad
As usual, I will pick a favorite in every cycle of ANTM. Last week's the first episode, and I love Marjorie! She's so delicate looking and pixie like.Can't wait for elimination after elimination!
Selasa, 07 Oktober 2008
Unwell
I think I might be getting a bad case of flu. I have a sore throat and I don't feel well, pretty much shivering all the time. I have a headache, exacerbated by the fact that I can't sleep.
Need to reset my biological clock, I guess. I didn't sleep till one a.m. during the holidays and now my mind refuses to go passive before midnight. Sigh. It's driving me nuts.
I feel like crap.
Need to reset my biological clock, I guess. I didn't sleep till one a.m. during the holidays and now my mind refuses to go passive before midnight. Sigh. It's driving me nuts.
I feel like crap.
画心 Painted Skin
I love the theme song of the movie Painted Skin :)
画心
(电影《画皮》主题歌曲)
作曲：藤原育郎 作词：陈少琪
歌词:
看不穿 是你失落的魂魄
猜不透 是你瞳孔的颜色
一阵风 一场梦
爱如(是)生命般(的)莫测
你的心 到底被什么蛊惑
你的轮廓在黑夜之中淹没
看桃花 开出怎样的结果
看着你 抱着我 目光似(比)月色寂寞
就让你 在别人怀里快乐
爱着你 像心跳难触摸
画着你 画不出你的骨骼
记着你的脸色 是我等你的执著
你是我 一首唱不完的歌
*(我的心 只愿为你而割舍)
Painted Heart
(Theme song of movie “Painted Skin”)
Music: some Japanese dude.
Lyrics: Chen Shaoqi
Artist: Jane Zhang
Lyrics:
Unable to see through your wandering spirit,
Unfathomable, the colour of your pupils
A passing wind, a waking dream
Like life, love remains undefined
Your heart, what confuses it so?
The outline of your body disappears into the night
I watch the cherry blossoms, waiting to see their blooms
I watch you, embracing me, your eyes lonelier than the moonlight
And I let you seek happiness in someone else’s arms
Loving you, untouchable like a heartbeat
Painting you, I cannot paint your skeleton
Remembering your expression, my reason to persist in waiting for you
You are mine, a song that I will never finish singing
*(My heart, only willing to be cut for you)
Lyric credit: sevensies
Senin, 06 Oktober 2008
On forgiving
I remember someone once said to me, "I'm not good at forgiving, and I never forget." I thought that was a very hateful thought, because you could spend the rest of your life in misery, not forgiving, not forgetting, not letting go.
It was yesterday morning when as usual, I turned the radio on as I got ready for work. It was a crappy morning and I was less than enthusiastic to even get awake. Someone was speaking about forgiveness, calling a person who appeared to have never forgiven her best friend for something that happened a while ago. Since it was a day of forgiving and peace, the radio hosts got the woman and her best friend on air for them to openly talk about their grief. I secretly think they might be hoping for some sort of drama - a bit of arguments here and there, instead of a peaceful making up session.
It was yesterday morning when as usual, I turned the radio on as I got ready for work. It was a crappy morning and I was less than enthusiastic to even get awake. Someone was speaking about forgiveness, calling a person who appeared to have never forgiven her best friend for something that happened a while ago. Since it was a day of forgiving and peace, the radio hosts got the woman and her best friend on air for them to openly talk about their grief. I secretly think they might be hoping for some sort of drama - a bit of arguments here and there, instead of a peaceful making up session.
Somehow I realize - I'm not always that forgiving either. I never forget the ways people hurt me, and how I've hurt a lot of people in the past. Some friends I will probably never see again, the people I hurt unintentionally, the words I said that I regretted.. and the things people said that remained in the back of my mind, blistered and forever there.
You know, it's not easy to forgive. It's impossible to forget.
It's always there until it comes back to haunt you, and you could choose whether you would deal with it, or let it go.
You know, it's not easy to forgive. It's impossible to forget.
It's always there until it comes back to haunt you, and you could choose whether you would deal with it, or let it go.
Controversies
I'm the most talkative person I know.
I'm also the quietest of them all.
Does it make sense?
:)
I'm also the quietest of them all.
Does it make sense?
:)
Rabu, 01 Oktober 2008
Disney vintage
Entah kenapa saya suka sekali dengan kebanyakan Disney movies yang sudah klasik.. seperti 101 Dalmatians, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Peter Pan, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast.. Rasanya ada sesuatu yang magical saat melihat fairy tale dimulai hingga akhir..
Akhir-akhir ini saya kembali mengoleksi DVD dan buku cerita lama yang dulu jadi harta saya semasa kecil. Baru dapet Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, Bambi, Cinderella, Snow White. Tapi saya kurang suka film yang berbau binatang (Lion King, Bambi), walau saya tetap suka sekali 101 Dalmatians (yang baru saya tonton kemarin!) dan Tarzan.
Masih quest untuk film-film lainnya.. serasa masa kecil diulang kembali :)
Akhir-akhir ini saya kembali mengoleksi DVD dan buku cerita lama yang dulu jadi harta saya semasa kecil. Baru dapet Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, Bambi, Cinderella, Snow White. Tapi saya kurang suka film yang berbau binatang (Lion King, Bambi), walau saya tetap suka sekali 101 Dalmatians (yang baru saya tonton kemarin!) dan Tarzan.
Masih quest untuk film-film lainnya.. serasa masa kecil diulang kembali :)
Selasa, 30 September 2008
Saya kira..
... liburan ini akan banyak me-time, menonton DVD, baca buku, dan sesekali keluar dengan teman-teman.
Ya, untuk tiga hari pertama.
Hari ini saya terlalu banyak me-time. Tidak menulis. Hanya leyeh-leyeh online shopping nggak jelas.
I feel rather alone.
Ya, untuk tiga hari pertama.
Hari ini saya terlalu banyak me-time. Tidak menulis. Hanya leyeh-leyeh online shopping nggak jelas.
I feel rather alone.
Jumat, 26 September 2008
Sudah...
Blog walking
Menulis review buku di GoodReads
Mengecek Fasity, Gmail dan Lautan Indonesia
Mengupdate status FaceBook
Browsing katalog di MP
Sebelumnya..
bangun pagi dan makan sereal sambil nonton TV
bersih-bersih rumah lalu olahraga sebentar
kemudian memasak dua jenis sayur dan kini memakannya di depan komputer
Lalu apa?
Sigh. Ini saatnya menulis lagi. Sampai ide menclok ke halaman yang saya kerjakan.
Menulis review buku di GoodReads
Mengecek Fasity, Gmail dan Lautan Indonesia
Mengupdate status FaceBook
Browsing katalog di MP
Sebelumnya..
bangun pagi dan makan sereal sambil nonton TV
bersih-bersih rumah lalu olahraga sebentar
kemudian memasak dua jenis sayur dan kini memakannya di depan komputer
Lalu apa?
Sigh. Ini saatnya menulis lagi. Sampai ide menclok ke halaman yang saya kerjakan.
Senin, 22 September 2008
Me. Curly.
I finally curled my hair permanently last Saturday :) Yoohoo! Just in time for the holiday season, before the hairdresser gets too crowded.
I'm LOVING it! The first big change since the usual bob, the constant semi long hair and the highlights I did once a while..
What makes it cool is that I've had long hair all year, so the curls look pretty neat :D
At first I was dubious because the curls did not show all that much, but after washing my hair for the first time this morning, I was so pleased.
Hehehehe. Can't stop bragging about it now.
I'm LOVING it! The first big change since the usual bob, the constant semi long hair and the highlights I did once a while..
What makes it cool is that I've had long hair all year, so the curls look pretty neat :D
At first I was dubious because the curls did not show all that much, but after washing my hair for the first time this morning, I was so pleased.
Hehehehe. Can't stop bragging about it now.
Rabu, 17 September 2008
Bersorak gembira..
.. karena dua buku Patrick Cauvin yang sudah vintage (karena terbit tahun 1979 - Blind Love dan A Little Romance), akan segera tiba. Terima kasih banyak untuk Shell yang membelikannya untuk saya dari Amazon UK, gratis! :)
I wish I could've been in one of those antique booksellers. It'll be heaven!
I wish I could've been in one of those antique booksellers. It'll be heaven!
Selasa, 16 September 2008
Lagi craving..
... membaca manga yang manis-manis.
Kayak Hatsukare.
dan Sprout.
(masih membolak-balik jilid 5 Hatsukare).
Kayak Hatsukare.
dan Sprout.
(masih membolak-balik jilid 5 Hatsukare).
Senin, 15 September 2008
Pachebel Canon
Selena berarti bulan, sekeping sabit perak yang memantulkan sinar surya. Bayangan itu yang terus terpantul dalam benakku ketika melihatnya bermain. Seorang gadis remaja dengan rambut halus membingkai wajah, sebuah biola kayu ukir yang kebesaran dalam pegangannya, jari-jari mungil yang sebisa mungkin menggenggamnya dan memberikan hidup kepada benda yang dipercayainya.
Setiap kali Selena memainkan biolanya, aku selalu merasa hujan sedang merintik dalam ruangan, walaupun cuaca sedang panas-panasnya di luar
“Biola ini adalah hidupku, Yan.”
Tentu saja aku mengerti. Bagaimana pun, biola pun pernah menjadi hidupku. Biola itu adalah hidup matinya. Tanpa biola itu, mungkin dia tidak akan mampu melewati hari-harinya. Dua orang pelayan yang keluar masuk memastikan makanannya telah tertelan, sebuah kotak pil yang tak pernah kosong dengan butiran tablet seputih kapur, juga demam panas yang membuatnya mengigau setiap malam. Belum lagi ketakutan akan ajal yang menjelang. Mungkinkah dia mencoba menghalaunya dengan musik? Ataukah musik menjadi sebuah ajang pelarian diri, pencapaian damai untuk memaafkan diri sendiri? Aku tidak tahu. Tidak perlu ada alasan bagi seseorang untuk mencintai sesuatu.
“Bunyi biola ini mungkin terdengar begitu buruk di telingamu,” dia tertawa kepadaku malam itu, saat tubuhnya terlalu lemah untuk bangkit dari tempat tidur. “Tapi bagiku suaranya lebih indah dari apa pun.”
Aku ingin berbohong dengan mengungkapkan persetujuanku, tapi berubah pikiran ketika melihat senyum tipis di wajahnya. “Permainan biolamu mengingatkanku akan gerimis.” Begitu aku berkata. Lebih baik, bukan seutuhnya kebohongan, tanpa mengusulkan konotasi apa pun.
Matanya membulat. “Gerimis itu sendu.”
“Ya.”
Dia menggeleng. “Apakah laguku terdengar sendu bagimu? Jangan biarkan kesedihan mempengaruhi pengamatanmu. Kamu
Aku memberikan segelintir senyum pahit sebagai balasannya.
Dan Selena pun terus memainkan lagu yang sama, berulang-ulang setiap malamnya. Lagu itu bagaikan antidot, penawar racun yang lebih ampuh dari obat pereda sakit, setiap kali tubuhnya mengkhianatinya. Pachebel Canon – lagu favoritku yang biasa dimainkan oleh Bach, kini menjadi milik Selena sejak partisi itu menjadi miliknya.
“Aku akan segera mati. Iya
“Tapi mereka tidak pernah merasakan hidup, Selena.”
Dia tersenyum pahit. “Adil, bukan? Supaya sesuatu tidak pernah mati, dia tidak perlu hidup. Sedangkan yang hidup, suatu saat akan berakhir.”
Mungkin demam tinggi yang menyebabkannya meracau seperti itu, tapi aku mengerti apa maksudnya.
Aku mengangguk dan berjanji. “Tentu saja tidak, lagu itu yang mengisi kepalaku setiap malamnya.”
Dia tersenyum dan menutup mata. “Aku lelah, Yan.”
Aku mengangguk sekali lagi, merasakan genggaman tangannya yang mendingin dalam jemariku.
“Mainkan lagu itu untukku.”
“Sekali saja. Kamu berhutang satu lagu padaku.”
Dengan ragu aku mengulurkan tangan untuk meraih biola itu dari sisi tempat tidurnya, mengambil nafas panjang dan membiarkan sebentuk perasaan puas merasuki diriku ketika aku menyentuh lekuk kayunya yang solid, senarnya yang lentur, busurnya yang kuat.
Malam itu aku memainkannya, Pachebel Canon yang sempurna.
Ketika pandangannya berubah sayu dan dia memejamkan mata, aku pun melakukan hal yang sama. Merasakan rinai gerimis mengetuk-ngetuk, dan riuh-rendah tepukan tangan seorang gadis, dari kejauhan.
**
Rindu..
menulis.
Sudah setahun ini saya luntang-lantung mencari ide, mengorek inspirasi, menulis hanya untuk menghapusnya kembali. Capek, memang. Sempat berpikir untuk berhenti menulis saja, kalau menulis itu terasa menjadi sebuah keharusan dan bahkan tanggung jawab.. Beban. Kata itu menakutkan saya.
Lalu sempat saya membaca komentar Kinu pada blog Windry beberapa saat lalu. Jangan menulis kalau terpaksa. Kembalilah jika memang ingin.
Melihat teman-teman seperjuangan sibuk memperjuangkan karya mereka, terus menulis dan bahkan memperkaya diri, saya jadi kelimpungan. Kenapa hanya saya yang jalan di tempat? Ke mana saja saya selama ini? Kenapa mereka berlari dan saya malahan mundur perlahan-lahan?
Takutkah? Bosan? Malas?
Saya terlalu idle selama ini. Terlalu lama berhenti dan enggan maju. Sampai sekarang memang saya belum menemukan diri saya yang dulu dalam tulisan saya, tapi saya akan terus berusaha. Dan semoga saya dapat melakukannya kembali.. SEGERA :)
Sudah setahun ini saya luntang-lantung mencari ide, mengorek inspirasi, menulis hanya untuk menghapusnya kembali. Capek, memang. Sempat berpikir untuk berhenti menulis saja, kalau menulis itu terasa menjadi sebuah keharusan dan bahkan tanggung jawab.. Beban. Kata itu menakutkan saya.
Lalu sempat saya membaca komentar Kinu pada blog Windry beberapa saat lalu. Jangan menulis kalau terpaksa. Kembalilah jika memang ingin.
Melihat teman-teman seperjuangan sibuk memperjuangkan karya mereka, terus menulis dan bahkan memperkaya diri, saya jadi kelimpungan. Kenapa hanya saya yang jalan di tempat? Ke mana saja saya selama ini? Kenapa mereka berlari dan saya malahan mundur perlahan-lahan?
Takutkah? Bosan? Malas?
Saya terlalu idle selama ini. Terlalu lama berhenti dan enggan maju. Sampai sekarang memang saya belum menemukan diri saya yang dulu dalam tulisan saya, tapi saya akan terus berusaha. Dan semoga saya dapat melakukannya kembali.. SEGERA :)
Sabtu, 13 September 2008
The Fairy
Something that's been sitting on my laptop for months. Let me know what you think :)
The beach and the sea are separate worlds on their own. I always believed that. Species and creatures live harmoniously down under, places we have never thought we could see, people we have never thought we would encounter. But I was fortunate enough to own one magical moment with one of their kinds.
It was a grey evening. Close to a stormy night, if you counted the number of the stars in the pit of the sky, the way the wind slapped against my skin and how cold the sand felt underneath my feet. It was the night my father died. I heard the phone ring an hour ago, and my mother stared wordlessly at me as she clutched the cord and let tears slowly consume her grief. I did not need to hear her say the words, the hollow silence that phone call caused said it all. I was fourteen years old.
You could say I followed the northern wind. I would say I had nowhere to go. A destination would have made things more resolute, more confirmed. And I was not ready for a change yet. So I walked down the beach, my fingers tapping each palm tree as I did so. When I sat at the border where the waves touched the land, I began to cry.
Normally I would never forgive myself for showing a moment of weakness. But tonight I kept sobbing, the tears wetting my knees and my cries swallowed by the storm. I must have cried my heart out because at one point, I was oblivious to the fact that suddenly everything calmed down. It was one of those moments when you felt bizarre – like when someone snapped two fingers and the noise simply turned to a hysteria of silence, or as if someone turned down the volume of the world. I looked up at once, and there he was standing in front of me.
He was not quite human, even I could see that. His hair was the finest silver I had ever seen – as loose as silk. I wondered how it would feel to touch them. His eyes were the color of the sky, the blue of the sea I had never seen before. His face was long, angular, with a smile that striked as cold beauty. His cheeks glowed rosy red, and his skin was a pale bronze; even though it was dark it seemed as if he were shining. He was an angel, he was the devil, or perhaps a star. But he was life, all by himself.
I could go on describing him, but the truth was, I lost all power of speech. I was not afraid, I just hated being unsure. But then again, back then perhaps I mistook fear for uncertainty.
“What are you?” That bubble of thought exploded in my mind, reaching my tongue but still I could not say it properly.
“As you might have guessed, I’m a fairy. A sea creature.”
I caressed his face with my stare, and all he did was smile. A fairy? Was he for real?
“Yes.” He said, his voice smooth and quiet. I wondered if only I could hear it. “I’m real.”
Scarlet rose to my cheeks when I realized he could read my mind. I found my voice and pretended I was brave. “Can anybody else see you?”
He shook his head.
“Why can I?”
He shrugged again. “Because you’re a property of magic.”
“I’m magic?” I almost laughed at that. I might be different than other kids my age, but I was not one of magic.
“How could you be so sure you are not?” he asked and lifted one hand to touch me. I flinched and moved back, forgetting my tears at once. “You do not have to be afraid,” he whispered. The ringing of his voice almost lulled me to sleep, and it was much more beautiful than music because I felt like dancing. Barefooted on the beach at midnight. He had that power on me.
I shivered when his long fingers touched my skin. It felt like rough edges of a diamond, cold, ruthless, but precious at the same time. He ran them down my tearstained face, my quivering lips, my trembling chin.
“Your eyes,” he murmured softly. “Your eyes are the color of jade, with irises as dark as moss. They are special. That is why you can see me.”
I stood transfixed, not knowing how to respond. When I was little, my grandmother would sit me on her lap and read me fairy tales from centuries ago. Some of them were true, she said, but I never really believed her. How could I believe that fairies and goblins existed, how could gnomes and nymphs be more than victims of human’s imaginations?
“I am real because you see me,” he said, once again interpreting my thoughts. “You will just have to believe.”
“What is your name?”
“Fairies like me do not have the pleasures of owning a name,” he said simply.
“And your home?”
“Tree barks underneath the sea,” he replied earnestly, “The insides of an empty seashell. The bubbles of sea foam. The tears of a mermaid. The place where the rainbow touches the water. The sound of the wind. You never know.”
I sighed, because it sounded so wonderful. He must have understood the strength of my thoughts and the expression on my face because he continued, “You wanted to come to my world.”
In stories like this, human beings were always too tempted to follow a myth-like creature to his world. They forgot what they were supposed to do, and in turn they were never to return. I, too, was as greedy as they were. I was charmed by those aqua eyes, the touch that held pleasure, and the voice that sang like a lullaby. Most of all, I wanted to prove he was real. So I pleaded.
Again, he shook his head, the silvery mane draping his shoulders like a blanket. “No, you must not come. You will learn of regret. They will hunt you, and kill you.”
“They?”
He looked sad. “Other fairies.”
“Why?”
He did not answer for a very long time. “Because fairies are not supposed to fall in love with ordinary human beings,” he finally replied. “When they do, the humans shall die.”
“Fairies know of love?” I asked, out of curiosity.
“We know of everything. We know the past, and the future.”
“What do you know about me?”
He looked at me sadly. “I know that your father died tonight. I know that you would one day be a hero. I know that I would fall in love with you, and that I would never be able to see you again. Fairies know a great deal about things in this world, too much for our own good.
We already knew our destiny on the day we were born.” He smiled again, a smile of goodbye. I saw enough to notice one. “My destiny says I am going to die on the day I meet you.”
“But why?”
“So that you could live.”
He paused, his beautiful features softening as he looked at me one last time. “Goodbye, Wednesday. You will never see me again.”
He pressed one bony finger on his lips and touched the tip to my mouth – a kiss of the fairies. And then he was gone. Dust, ashes, and air. All that could never replace him.
**
My mother found me on the beach just before sunrise. She had been looking everywhere for me since the stroke of midnight. A villager swore he saw a shadow surrounded by a bright light, and made a motion to check – only to find me shivering with pneumonia, alone in the beach. They said I was going to die. They said I was lucky to be saved.
I was found, but I was never the same again.
That was also the last time I ever saw the fairy.
**
Bali madness
I'm finally back from Bali.
I stayed in the hotel and roamed around, did some shopping, and when I finally set foot on the beach, it felt...
calming.
Somehow I felt like I should go to Bali to release the stress welling up inside me, with this naive thinking that I would be able to write once I was there. But the few words I could manage were lousy short stories that couldn't even pass my test. I mean, where had my senses gone? How come I could no longer find my muse and keep writing? It had nearly been a year, and I was tired of waiting.
I felt the waves crashing on my feet, licking my calves with half wet sand and the wind was fluttering in my face.
At that moment I knew exactly how Ai felt.
I want to write about characters I care about.
I want to be able to identify myself in the characters.
I want to write characters I like, even though I don't always agree with them I will find them leading their own stories, taking me with them and I will no longer direct what they want to say or do.
That's how I think I find my passion back.
I'm gonna start rearranging my deadlines, and get working :)
I really hope.. my muse is back.
I stayed in the hotel and roamed around, did some shopping, and when I finally set foot on the beach, it felt...
calming.
Somehow I felt like I should go to Bali to release the stress welling up inside me, with this naive thinking that I would be able to write once I was there. But the few words I could manage were lousy short stories that couldn't even pass my test. I mean, where had my senses gone? How come I could no longer find my muse and keep writing? It had nearly been a year, and I was tired of waiting.
I felt the waves crashing on my feet, licking my calves with half wet sand and the wind was fluttering in my face.
At that moment I knew exactly how Ai felt.
I want to write about characters I care about.
I want to be able to identify myself in the characters.
I want to write characters I like, even though I don't always agree with them I will find them leading their own stories, taking me with them and I will no longer direct what they want to say or do.
That's how I think I find my passion back.
I'm gonna start rearranging my deadlines, and get working :)
I really hope.. my muse is back.
Senin, 08 September 2008
I wish I read French..
so I'd be able to read Pythagore, Je t'Adore
Does anyone read French? And willing to translate a book for me? :)
Does anyone read French? And willing to translate a book for me? :)
Kamis, 04 September 2008
My current obsessions
Setelah menghilang dari peredaran cukup lama, saya menghabiskan beberapa jam online di Lautan Indonesia forum dan forum-forum drama Jepang Korea lainnya (seperti Javabeans dan Jazzholic). Ternyata banyak hal baru yang udah lama kelewatan, seperti...
Ceritanya setahun setelah season 2 berakhir.. Hmmm.. Lumayan kangen sih sama HYD, walau udah nonton tahun lalu.
Not too excited karena udah nonton versi SBS-nya..
Nah yang ini memang ditunggu-tunggu, tapi sepertinya gak ada tim dari Indonesia deh..
Whattt? Gak bener banget kalo versi baratnya mengusung nama Zac Efron sebagai Light Yagami. No offense but he's kind of corny untuk peran ini. Tapi saya mendukung Gaspard Ulliel jadi L (karena dia keren banget actingnya). Lee Junki juga akan jadi L versi Korea.
The Devil akan dibuat versi Jepangnya - MAO
Starring Ikuta Toma sebagai sang detektif/polisi. Wow. Saya suka sekali dengan Mawang versi Koreanya, dan yang versi Jepang udah sampe episod 11-an.Hana Yori Dango movie version sedang coming soon
Ceritanya setahun setelah season 2 berakhir.. Hmmm.. Lumayan kangen sih sama HYD, walau udah nonton tahun lalu.
Iljimae versi MBS lagi dibuat
Not too excited karena udah nonton versi SBS-nya..
Amazing Race Asia season 3 sudah mau tayang minggu depan
Nah yang ini memang ditunggu-tunggu, tapi sepertinya gak ada tim dari Indonesia deh..
Death Note mau dibikin versi Hollywood dan Korea
Whattt? Gak bener banget kalo versi baratnya mengusung nama Zac Efron sebagai Light Yagami. No offense but he's kind of corny untuk peran ini. Tapi saya mendukung Gaspard Ulliel jadi L (karena dia keren banget actingnya). Lee Junki juga akan jadi L versi Korea.
Lumayan seneng menunggu banyak film-film menarik lainnya yang akan keluar (padahal tumpukan DVD udah jadi sarang debu di rumah dan belum sempet ditonton lagi). Buku-buku juga numpuk, tapi tidak menghentikan saya membeli satu set komik First Boyfriend dari Angelzon. Good entertainments are always worth every cent :D
Yang masih masuk keranjang belanjaan:
- DVD Time Between Dog and Wolf
- DVD My Sweet Seoul
- First Boyfriend nomor 2
Yang masih ditunggu-tunggu:
- DVD The Secret Life of American Teenager
- Lipstick Jungle season 2
- Gossip Girl season 2
- House season 5
Yang masih masuk keranjang belanjaan:
- DVD Time Between Dog and Wolf
- DVD My Sweet Seoul
- First Boyfriend nomor 2
Yang masih ditunggu-tunggu:
- DVD The Secret Life of American Teenager
- Lipstick Jungle season 2
- Gossip Girl season 2
- House season 5
Currently watching...
Iljimae, very religiously :D LOL.
I sleep late this week just so I could finish it, and today I'm gonna end the curiosity for the last four episodes. Caught the spoiler early and the ending is supposedly unfriendly.
But hey, I deserve after office hours fun and Iljimae is a great way of filling them.
I sleep late this week just so I could finish it, and today I'm gonna end the curiosity for the last four episodes. Caught the spoiler early and the ending is supposedly unfriendly.
But hey, I deserve after office hours fun and Iljimae is a great way of filling them.
Sabtu, 23 Agustus 2008
DVD yang ditunggu!
Sementara stok DVD masih menumpuk, ada beberapa upcoming DVDs yang mau saya tonton:
Timeless
this new 16 episodes flick starring Moon Geun Yeong and Jang Geun Suk (wow wow wow!)
My Sweet Soul
Starring Lee Soon Gyun, my favorite actor from the Coffee Prince.
My Love Patzzi
Kalau yang ini untuk dikoleksi dan ditonton ulang :D
this new 16 episodes flick starring Moon Geun Yeong and Jang Geun Suk (wow wow wow!)
My Sweet Soul
Starring Lee Soon Gyun, my favorite actor from the Coffee Prince.
My Love Patzzi
Kalau yang ini untuk dikoleksi dan ditonton ulang :D
Bebas
Sore hari bebas nonton DVD..
Weekend dan waktu luang bebas baca buku sambil ngemil atau nonton dan nelepon seharian
No deadline
No early mornings
I get to sleep late..
Because my deadline is officially over :)
Now I just have to worry about the decision.
-just so you know, this rambling is about my editing for Ai-
I still have to gear up for my next big stuff :) (if I have any)
but for now I'm so so so glad it's over. Hehehe.
Weekend dan waktu luang bebas baca buku sambil ngemil atau nonton dan nelepon seharian
No deadline
No early mornings
I get to sleep late..
Because my deadline is officially over :)
Now I just have to worry about the decision.
-just so you know, this rambling is about my editing for Ai-
I still have to gear up for my next big stuff :) (if I have any)
but for now I'm so so so glad it's over. Hehehe.
Jumat, 22 Agustus 2008
Favorite screencaps..
from Lipstick Jungle!
He's lovely! A billionaire, who showers Victory with gifts. When she moves in with him, he prepares a closet full of clothes and shoes (her size!!). He takes her to Paris to live in Coco Chanel's loft with the glass windows facing Eiffel. Oh my.
The baby sister Victory and one of the most powerful woman in New York - Nico.
One of the reasons you watch the series. Kirby Atwood - the irresistible hunk who falls for Nico. He's so nice and down to earth in the series, you couldn't help but like him instead of the official husband Charles.
He's lovely! A billionaire, who showers Victory with gifts. When she moves in with him, he prepares a closet full of clothes and shoes (her size!!). He takes her to Paris to live in Coco Chanel's loft with the glass windows facing Eiffel. Oh my.The baby sister Victory and one of the most powerful woman in New York - Nico.One of the reasons you watch the series. Kirby Atwood - the irresistible hunk who falls for Nico. He's so nice and down to earth in the series, you couldn't help but like him instead of the official husband Charles.
Rabu, 20 Agustus 2008
Kimchee radishes, tanned faces and sunburnt skin
Although this Monday was supposed to be my final editing day (no breaks!), I took it as a holiday anyway. I guessed I deserved it.
I went back from Waterbom PIK with a happy, tired face, tanned skin and sunburnt nose :D my fault for not spreading enough sunscreen. My muscles ached from so much activities I haven't trained myself to do in months. But I loved the water, loved the sunshine, loved the companion and loved the warmth.
Holidays. Pure bliss.
I went back from Waterbom PIK with a happy, tired face, tanned skin and sunburnt nose :D my fault for not spreading enough sunscreen. My muscles ached from so much activities I haven't trained myself to do in months. But I loved the water, loved the sunshine, loved the companion and loved the warmth.
Holidays. Pure bliss.
..pondering..
So much have happened these few days that are beyond my capacity to understand. I'd like to take a short break but it seems impossible. My mind reels all the time, I work nearly every second and only get a short break when I actually fall asleep. I don't know for how long this needs to go on, but I'm glad my editing has finally come to a halt.
Someone I dearly trust turns out not being the person I thought she always was.
My best friend's newborn daughter is diagnosed with pneumonia. She's only five days old.
I am not confident with my final draft. And I don't know about my upcoming novels.
My biggest concern is my friend's baby girl. Her name's Angela. I haven't even seen her yet, and suddenly we're struck with the awful news that she's sick. I do not know how to help, and I am not even sure I can do something to help. It's so unfair, isn't it, that a baby gets to feel pain and suffer when she's so innocent?
Just the thought makes me want to cry. I really hope she's alright.
Someone I dearly trust turns out not being the person I thought she always was.
My best friend's newborn daughter is diagnosed with pneumonia. She's only five days old.
I am not confident with my final draft. And I don't know about my upcoming novels.
My biggest concern is my friend's baby girl. Her name's Angela. I haven't even seen her yet, and suddenly we're struck with the awful news that she's sick. I do not know how to help, and I am not even sure I can do something to help. It's so unfair, isn't it, that a baby gets to feel pain and suffer when she's so innocent?
Just the thought makes me want to cry. I really hope she's alright.
Selasa, 12 Agustus 2008
These few feeks have been...
.. a mix of emotions.
excitement
happiness
love
goofiness
exhaustion
stress
regret
guilt
worry
I wonder if I can fit so many things into one :D
excitement
happiness
love
goofiness
exhaustion
stress
regret
guilt
worry
I wonder if I can fit so many things into one :D
Jumat, 01 Agustus 2008
My Sony Vaio...
is officially slumped. It's in the repair shop today, getting its parts fixed.
Maybe it's overworked.
Maybe it needs to take a break.
Maybe it's overworked.
Maybe it needs to take a break.
Breaking Dawn is out
Yay I officially booked by Breaking Dawn book - the fourth installment to Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga.
Periplus Plaza Senayan texted me today, saying the book is available. It's really cheap, Rp. 124 000,- compared to the USD 13.49 (exclusive of shipping).
Periplus Plaza Senayan texted me today, saying the book is available. It's really cheap, Rp. 124 000,- compared to the USD 13.49 (exclusive of shipping).
I'm betting fans will not wait to get their hands on this book.
I'm betting it will shoot up to the bestseller list again.
I'm just hoping it doesn't disappoint! (I don't think it will, do you?)
I'm betting it will shoot up to the bestseller list again.
I'm just hoping it doesn't disappoint! (I don't think it will, do you?)
Rabu, 30 Juli 2008
Lihatlah aku apa adanya
Eksperimen cerpen yang gagal. Maklum, agak kaku karena udah lama banget gak nulis cerpen. Terinspirasi oleh Longest Night in Shanghai yang baru ditonton semalam..
“Kamu tidak pernah melihat diriku apanya.”
Kekasihku kerap berkata begitu padaku. Kala aku sedang merias wajahnya, terbenam dalam menit-menit menegangkan karena kapan saja namanya akan dipanggil, dan terlambat satu detik pun, habislah sudah. Riasannya harus sempurna. Segala sesuatu harus sempurna.
Tapi dalam kesibukanku melukis wajahnya, dia terlihat tenang. Terlampau tenang, bahkan, bagaikan patung. Dia tampak tidak sadar pada keributan di baliknya, hamparan manusia yang berlari kesana kemari, teriakan di balik layar, para stylist yang mendorong sedikit para modelnya supaya cepat tampil di catwalk, juga para pemula yang gemetaran karena belum pernah tampil sebelumnya. Dia duduk tenang sembari memperhatikan aku memulas wajahnya dengan bedak, kuasku menyentuh dan memperindahnya. Dia yang seperti dewi, sebuah bentuk seni yang tak pernah habis kutelusuri.
Sesaat sebelum jariku menekan bibirnya untuk memberi perona merah jambu, dia menghentikan gerakanku dengan sebaris kata-kata itu,
“Kamu tidak pernah melihat diriku apa adanya.”
Pandangan kami bertemu melalui kaca besar di hadapan kami. Lalu aku melirik pantulan jam di cermin. Kami tidak punya banyak waktu. Kuletakkan kedua tanganku di atas bahunya yang telanjang, meremasnya sedikit untuk menginjeksi rasa percaya diri.
“Kamu bicara apa? Lihatlah dirimu – kamu sempurna. Di mataku pun kamu sempurna.”
Kami berdua kini menatap bayangan dirinya di cermin. Aku memang tidak berbohong, dia tampak seperti bidadari dari kahyangan. Matanya yang kehijauan terlihat dingin, tapi ketika bibirnya menarik senyum, matanya menyipit, memancarkan kehangatan pada seluruh wajahnya. Kulit wajahnya bagaikan pualam, terpulas bedak berbahan dasar mineral yang memberikan tampilan natural di bawah temaram lampu catwalk. Begitu juga bagian wajahnya yang lain, alisnya melengkung sempurna, nuansa aprikot di tulang pipinya, lentik bulu matanya untuk memberikan efek dramatis. Riasannya hampir sempurna – kecuali bibirnya yang pucat, telanjang tanpa polesan gincu. Tanganku gatal ingin memperbaikinya.
“Ingatkah kau saat pertama kali kita bertemu?” Dia bertanya, matanya tidak sekali pun meninggalkan pantulan wajahnya sendiri.
Tentu saja aku ingat. Dua tahun yang lalu, kami bertemu di ruang rias untuk fashion show-nya yang pertama. Dia muncul dari balik pintu, bersembunyi di belakang manajernya yang bertubuh besar. “Ini model baru kita,” begitu kata manajernya, mengambil satu langkah ke samping supaya aku bisa melihat gadis yang dibawanya. “Kuserahkan dia kepadamu.”
Usianya saat itu tidak lebih dari delapan belas tahun. Tubuhnya kurus dengan tulang-belulang menonjol di balik pakaiannya yang tipis, rambut lurus sebahu dan wajah tanpa riasan. Dia tampak ketakutan, tapi perlahan-lahan kamu memberanikan diri menatap wajahku. Saat itu aku melihat kecantikan yang tersembunyi di balik matanya yang sendu. Melihat apa saja yang bisa kulakukan untuknya, dengan palet warna dan kuas yang selalu kubanggakan. Melihat masa depannya – kilat kamera, kontrak jutaan dolar, dan sebuah status. Karena aku mampu melihat segalanya untuk dia, bahkan sebelum dia sendiri menyadarinya.
“Kini aku sudah tidak bisa mengenali diriku sendiri,” dia berkata, membawaku kembali ke realita.
“Kamu tidak berubah. Nasibmu yang berubah.” Aku menyentuh bibirnya, dan kali ini dia tidak menolak ketika aku mengaplikasikan warna dengan ujung jariku. “Nah, pergilah. Tunjukkan kehebatanmu pada mereka.”
Dia memberikan seulas senyuman tipis sebelum menghilang di balik tirai, aroma parfum citrus yang dikenakannya samar tercium oleh hidungku.
**
“Aku ingin berhenti.”
Kalimat itu muncul saat dia sedang mengambil break di sela take-nya, dalam intonasi nada yang biasa, seakan sama sekali tidak takut ada wartawan yang mendengar di set pemotretan. Sesekali ia menyeruput kopi dalam gelas sterofoam yang kuberikan padanya, sambil membiarkan aku mengelap keringat dan memperbaiki riasannya.
“Berhenti?” Berhenti dirias? Berhenti modeling? Berhenti bekerja sementara? Apa?
“Aku tidak ingin begini lagi. Kau juga, ayo kita hentikan pekerjaan ini. Kita bisa berlibur ke
Dia sudah gila. “Kau sudah gila?”
Dia menggeleng. “Dunia ini tidak cocok denganku, Marko. Aku tidak suka bergaya di depan kamera, aku tidak suka tampil dengan topeng riasan ini, aku tidak suka diikuti ke mana saja aku pergi.”
“Dua tahun lagi dan kamu bisa menjadi supermodel kelas dunia,” aku memperingatkannya. “Sedikit lagi kerja keras dan kamu akan memiliki segalanya.”
Pandangannya sayu. “Aku tidak ingin memiliki segalanya, Marko.”
Aku menggeleng, tidak bisa menerima, tidak ingin memikirkan konsekuensinya. Dia ciptaanku. Dia sempurna. Dia tidak boleh membuangnya begitu saja.
**
Dia sedikit mabuk. Setengah isi botol Chardonnay yang ditenggaknya habis merusak sistemnya, membuatnya meracau sepanjang malam. Aku menopangnya dengan sebelah tangan, sebelah lagi sibuk menggesek kartu magnet untuk membuka pintu kamar. Dia berjalan sempoyongan, kepalanya bersandar di bahuku dan tangannya memeluk pinggangku.
“Hei, Marko…”
Dia menggumam. Nafasnya bau alkohol.
“Jika aku bukan lagi aku, apakah kau akan tetap mencintaiku?”
Kalimatnya tumpang-tindih dan sulit kumengerti.
“Aku akan menyerahkan
Selembar amplop meluncur di sebelah kakiku. Aku memungutnya, menyobeknya menjadi dua, lalu melemparkannya ke tempat sampah. Matanya membulat, air mata mengalir turun di kedua sisi wajahnya, merusak tatanan yang sudah kukerjakan selama dua jam tadi sore.
“Tidak bisakah kau mencintaiku apa adanya?”
Aku menatapnya tajam, dan dengan amarah dia menggunakan kedua tangan untuk mengacaukan riasannya, menggosok, mengusap dan meraung seperti kesetanan.
“Lihatlah diriku apa adanya!” Dia berteriak berulang-ulang, lalu jatuh terduduk di tepi ranjang sambil tersedu-sedu.
Wajahnya kini adalah campuran berbagai warna, seperti sebuah lukisan abstrak yang telah dihancurkan dengan kedua tangannya sendiri. Aku memalingkan wajah, tiba-tiba saja merasa mual. Sambil berusaha menahannya, aku berlari keluar, meninggalkan kamar itu dan pintu yang bedebam tertutup di belakangku.
Dia dapat memiliki kesempurnaan, jika saja dia menginginkannya. Tapi dia telah memilih untuk merusak kesempurnaan itu dengan sesuatu yang bernama cinta.
**
Langganan:
Postingan (Atom)